


I Want What You Have - l.s

by onlyhereforlarry0928



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Fine Line - Harry Styles (Album), One Direction (Band), Walls - Louis Tomlinson (Album)
Genre: Best Friends, First Love, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:35:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29505603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforlarry0928/pseuds/onlyhereforlarry0928
Summary: Louis and Harry have been best friends for as long as they can remember. As they’ve grown up and discovered their feelings, Louis has hid his romantic feelings for Harry from everyone. That is… until Harry comes out as gay and changes everything Louis ever thought his feelings could be. Louis has always had a tendency to want what he can’t have. Could Harry change that?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 13





	1. Prologue

Harry felt nervous looking around at all the new faces. It was his first day of reception away from his parents and he felt lost not knowing anyone. His eyes shifted back and forth taking in the other kids and the new environment. 

“Hello!” Harry jumped, his eyes going wide, as a face suddenly appeared in front of his. “I’m Louis, what’s your name?” The boy, Louis, stated, his bright, cerulean eyes crinkling in the corners as he smiled at him. 

Harry immediately felt more comfortable in the presence of this boy. “My name is Harry.” He replied, hesitantly smiling. 

“Hawey. Hmm, sowwy I can’t say it vewy well. I’m still working on my r’s.” Louis chuckled, smiling sheepishly at Harry, slightly embarrassed of his speech impediment. 

“That’s ok! We can come up with another name that you can call me.” Harry didn’t want his new, and only, friend to feel bad for not being able to say his name. “My mum sometimes calls me Haz, what about that?”

“What about Hazza! That way I can say it and you’ll always know it’s me calling you!” 

Harry giggled, “Perfect!”

“Louis!! Are you gonna come play cars with us or what?” Harry’s eyes drifted over Louis’s shoulders to find three lads in the corner, cars in hand, looking expectantly at Louis to come over. 

“Hazza, you wanna come play caws with me and my fwends?” Louis held out his hand expectantly, causing Harry to grin and reach out his own. 

“Yeah!” Harry clasped his hand with Louis’s as they walked over to the boys playing with race cars in the corner of the room. 

“Hazza, these are my fwends from nursewy: Liam and Zayn.” The boys looked at Harry while still rolling their toy cars along the carpet. 

“My name is Harry actually, but you guys can call me Hazza if you want.” Harry added. 

“Hi Harry! I’m Liam. Louis and I have known each other since we were two!” Liam said proudly to Harry while holding up two fingers. “This is Zayn, he’s known us since we were all three!” Liam motioned beside him to Zayn who kept his head down focusing on his car. Harry barely heard him mumble a hello. 

“Hazza! Here you can have the puwple car, you wanna wace awound the woom?!” Louis said excitedly. 

“Ok!”

“C’mon, we’ll stawt ovaw here.” Louis placed his car behind an imaginary line on the carpet, moving it back and forth like he was revving up the engine. Suddenly he turned his head towards Harry’s as the both sat crouched behind the line, their cars in hand. “I just know we awe all gonna be the bestest friends! Ok weady?! On your mawk, get set, go!”


	2. Chapter 1 - Harry

Harry takes a shaky breath as he looks at himself in the mirror. He’s gone over what he is going to tell the boys at least five thousand times. He meets his own eyes in the reflection. The jade irises stare back at him almost as if they’re reminding him that what he’s about to say doesn’t have to change everything. He’s still the same curly-haired, tall, lanky lad his friends have known their whole lives. 

Harry thinks back to the summer, how good it had felt to call someone his boyfriend and to have people just know and be okay with it. He’d struggled with this part of himself all throughout secondary school, but now he has fully come to terms with what being gay means to him and finally feels ready to come out to his friends. 

Louis, Liam, Zayn, and Niall. The same four best friends that he has known since they were 5. Well except for Niall who didn’t move to England until they were all eleven years old, but by the time he became part of their group it had felt like they’d known him their whole lives. 

Harry knows they’ll be accepting, but he also knows it might change their friendships. They might see him differently for liking boys. It shouldn’t be that way. Sometimes people just start to act differently once they associate you with something, they can’t help it. 

No. 

His best friends know him better than probably every other person on the planet. You can’t look at someone in a certain way for over a decade and then see them completely different after one little statement. 

Right?

Harry studies his outfit in the mirror. His black, skinny jeans hug his newly toned legs which he paired with a black, Nirvana t-shirt and white Chuck Taylors. He doesn’t want it to seem like now that he was admitting he was gay, he would start dressing differently to fit some stupid stereotype. He’s still the same Harry that the boys last saw at the beginning of the summer.

At first, Harry had felt pretty disappointed that this would be the first summer that the boys would spend apart since they were going into Year 2 (probably), but now he feels excited to hear about everything they’ve done. He thinks about the snippets he’s heard from his friends over the weeks. 

Liam had been busy with an internship at the House of Commons in London. Zayn had worked at an art store/studio in town all summer and was all-consumed in perfecting his portfolio to send to the best art Universities in the UK. Louis had spent half the summer in the south of France with his Mum and sisters and then he, along with his sisters, flew to Amsterdam to spend the rest of the summer with their father. And Niall??? Uhhh to be honest Harry wasn’t exactly sure what Niall had done over the summer. They hung out for the first week and then he had said he was going to some golf course for the weekend and just never came back. Harry just assumed he went back to Mullingar in Ireland to visit his family for the rest. At least that’s what he usually does over summer… 

Harry’s phone buzzes on his bed, snapping him out of his thoughts. Jaden’s name lights up the screen:

“Good Luck! I’m proud of you no matter what. Don’t worry about their reactions, remember you’re doing this for you… xx”. 

Harry smiles to himself. Jaden had been a big help over the summer. They had worked together as counselors at a local Music Camp and Harry had been determined to explore more of his sexuality over the summer. Jaden had been all too eager to help him. 

At the end of summer they both decided to leave it as a summer fling and simply remain friends. Jaden’s a year older and is heading to Uni at UCLA in the states. Harry wasn’t into the whole long-distance thing so he’d been very grateful when Jaden had recommended they just remain friends. 

“Thanks. Wouldn’t be able to do this without your help this summer. I’ll let you know how it goes. x” Harry quickly types out as his phone buzzes again. 

This time it’s Louis notifying him that he would be there in 5. Shit. Harry quickly grabs his bag and heads downstairs. 

“Harry! Oh darling I can’t believe my baby is already in his final year of secondary school!” Harry’s Mum, Anne, is practically weeping as she embraces him the second he comes down the stairs. 

“Mummmm… Louis is gonna be here in 5 minutes. I need to eat before you suffocate the life out of me.” She is holding onto him rather tightly. 

“Oh, alright. But at least let me make you breakfast.” Anne walks over to the breadbox before she slices a piece of sourdough and sticks it in the toaster. Harry already noted the beans cooking on the stove. Next to the steaming kettle... He pours himself a to-go cup of Earl Grey and then another for Louis with Yorkshire, his favorite. 

Harry turns his head to see Robin come bounding down the stairs.

“Have a good first day my boy! Oh and good luck, not that you need it.” Robin smiles and pulls Harry into a side hug. His strong arm feels reassuring to Harry as it wraps around his shoulder.   
Harry had come out to his parents about a month into the summer. It was nerve-wracking but they’ve been super supportive and still treat him the exact same which has given Harry more confidence to come out to his friends. To be quite honest he’s pretty sure they already suspected but it was still nice to have confirmation that they would always stick by his side. 

Even if they don’t end up sticking by one another’s. 

‘Thanks.” Harry replies, nodding his head more-so to reassure himself that he really is going to go through with coming out to his friends.

“Alrighty then, I’m off for the day.” Robin fills a mug with coffee before grabbing his bag to head off to their local pharmacy. He is the best, and pretty much only, chemist in town. 

“Will you be home for dinner?” Anne asks. She sighs at his delay to reply. “It is tradition, you know.”

Harry watches as Robin continues to think it over. He can imagine he’s weighing whether having to have a meal with his Mum is worth their traditional first day of school family dinner. 

“Yes of course I will. I know it's tradition.” Robin acts like he’s offended she would even have to ask despite his hesitation to answer. Well, looks like tradition wins out. For now.   
Anne nods. “Be home by six then.” 

“Please.” She adds. 

Robin nods again before heading out the door. 

Although having to do homework again sounds like hell, Harry is glad that he will finally have the normalcy of a school schedule to distract him from his Mum and Robin’s fighting. If he hadn’t had Jaden over the summer, Harry’s pretty sure he would have gone mad having to endure their yelling without having any of his best friends readily available. Even his sister only visited for a couple weeks. Harry doesn’t blame her for not wanting to stay in this house. He’d get out too if he could. 

Only one more year, he reminds himself. 

A car getting close sounds from outside, causing Harry to look up and peer out the kitchen window where he spots Louis' red VW pulling up in front. 

“Bye! I’ll see you after school.” Harry kisses his Mum on the cheek before shoving the toast she was holding into his mouth and snatching his bag up. 

He heads out the door a mug in each hand and a smile spreading on his face despite the toast hanging out of his mouth. He feels his heart speeding up as he gets closer to seeing his best friend after so long. 

Harry sees Louis grinning up at him before he even sat down in the car. 

“Hey Hazza, you’ve got bean juice on your chin ya know.” Louis says, still smiling. He grabs his to-go mug from Harry while Harry maneuvers himself into the car, setting his bag at his feet. His giddiness remains as he takes the now slightly soggy piece of toast out of his mouth, shaking his head and smiling shyly as he wipes the dribble off his chin. 

“Mmm. I’ve missed you bringing me my morning Yorkshire.” Louis cradles the mug close to his chest now --as if it were his baby-- while he puts the car in drive and takes off down the street with his other hand. 

Harry laughs, “Louis!! We’ve been apart for a month and a half and the first thing you have to say to me is that you’ve missed me bringing you tea?!”

“And that you’ve got bean juice dribbling down your chin!” Louis exclaims. He doesn’t take his eyes off the road but Harry can feel that Louis knows their faces are mirroring one another's.   
“No, I’ve missed you a lot. I feel like we didn’t even talk that much this summer! I know you probably wanna wait til we’re with the rest of the lads to tell me what you did, but you’ve gotta at least give me the basics.”

Harry fills Louis in on what it was like working at the music camp. The drive isn’t that long to get to school in their small town so he mostly just talks about what it was like having to endure teaching 12 year old kids how to play the drums. Harry tries to keep the conversation light but in his head all he can picture is what it would be like to just blurt out, ‘Oh and I also met this guy and we started dating since I’m gay by the way.’. Louis’ right that he wants to wait til he is with all the lads to talk, just not about what he did over summer… 

He’s going to tell them at lunch. Harry reasons if he gives himself a deadline then he can’t back out of it. 

Lunch. He can last that long, right?

Louis pulls into the school parking lot, careful not to hit one of the many students that are running through the lot to meet up with the friends they haven’t seen for weeks. 

“Can you believe it? I feel like we just got here… back when Niall was the new kid and we had no clue what we wanted to do with our lives. Now we’re here on our first day of Year Thirteen.”

“I know, it’s crazy. I feel like we’ve changed so much but at the same time it’s like we haven’t changed at all.”

“I get what you mean.” 

The boys sit in silence for a moment, staring out the front window as they watch people go by and reflect on how they’ve grown at this school without even realising it. 

“Oh! There’s Liam and Zayn, let’s go!” Louis grabs his bag from the back seat and hops out of the car. Harry follows as they head over to where Zayn and Liam are standing in front of the steps leading to the main doors of the school. 

“Hey lads, long time no see!” Liam says, smiling so wide that his eyes barely squint open. The boys take turns embracing one another, excited to finally be together again even if it does mean they’re back in school. 

“Can you believe we’re already in our last year?” Zayn asks incredulously.

“I know, right? Hazza and I were just taaaAAALKing about that.” Harry smirks at Niall who had just snuck up behind Louis and then proceeded to jump onto his back and yell in his ear.  
“OH MY GOD NIALL WHAT THE FUCK?!!” 

“Hahahahahahaha,” Niall bends over laughing as Louis stands over him glaring. 

“You scared the shit out of me, I could have had a heart attack!” Louis’ trying to remain angry but Harry already sees him trying to fend off a smile. Niall just has that way about him. No one can ever stay mad at him for long. 

“Nialler! Where you been, mate??” Harry asks. “You said you were going to go golfing for the weekend and then I never saw or heard from you for the rest of the summer.” 

“Sorry mate. I dropped my phone in the pond on the ninth hole and I had to get a new number. Here, put your numbers into it.” Niall replies as he hands Liam his new iPhone.

Of course that happened to Niall. Harry shakes his head, why wouldn’t it?! He’s the only person where he would lose his phone and disappear, but not think to tell anyone. 

“Then we went back to Mullingar. Oh how I’ve missed Ireland lads. I mean Holmes Chapel is great but Ireland.. Am I right???” The rest of the boys roll their eyes. Even though Niall has lived with them in Cheshire for the past 6 years, the Irishness never seems to leave him even a little. He even still has a prominent accent despite him leaving at eleven years old; although, to be fair, he refuses to give it up… 

“And you didn’t think to tell any of us?” Liam questions. “For all we knew you could’ve fallen into a well and died!”

“Well I didn’t and now I’m here. So what classes do you guys have?” 

The boys pull out their phones, looking up their class schedules. Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School and Sixth Form College isn’t that big so they usually have some classes with one another. Harry compares his schedule with the other boys’. 

“Yo, I think we all have homeroom with Rodgers together!” Zayn points at the matching line on each of their schedules. 

“Nice! We can all start the day together!” Liam grins at the boys who look up at him for a second and teasingly roll their eyes before they continue to compare classes. 

Harry can’t find a single class besides homeroom that matches up with one of the others. Ugh. That's what he gets for wanting to take drama instead of ceramics with the rest of them. 

“Hey Hazza we have Biology together!” Harry glances at Louis’ schedule before focusing back on his own screen to see the matching teacher and class under fourth period. How did he miss that?   
“We can be lab partners and dissect everything together!”

“Ohhh nice.” Harry says, scrunching his face in slight disgust. Not because of Louis though! He just really doesn’t want to take the class but his Mum insisted it would be good for him. She really wants Harry to become a doctor with her being a nurse and all, but he’s sorta squeamish. This is their compromise. 

“Well if I have to take this class, at least it will be with you.” Louis smiles back at him. His cheeks look like they’re tinted pink as if he’s... blushing? Is he embarrassed or something because it isn't that cold out… 

Before Harry can ponder over Louis’ blush any longer, the bell rings out signaling to everyone that class will start in five minutes.

They boys start up the stairs and take their first steps into the school as seniors as they make their way towards their homeroom. The rest of the boys are now engrossed in Niall’s endearing story of how he beat his uncles in ‘Power Hour’, some Irish drinking game; Harry’s attention is back on the fact that there's four hours until lunch.

\---

Harry’s heart is hammering in his chest. He knows he shouldn’t feel so scared, his friends will be supportive. They’ve all been so close for so long that it’s like they’re more family and his family didn’t react badly at all. 

He tries to remember when he was with Jaden during the summer and how good it felt to just be out and proud. He wants that feeling again. Besides, there’s plenty of LGBT+ people at his school. What’s one more?

He had entered the lunchroom and is now nearing their usual table. Harry already spots the backs of Liam and Niall sitting across from Zayn. He’ll have to wait for Louis. Per usual. The kid is always late, Harry’s not even sure why he trusts him to pick him up every morning... Oh wait, yeah he does. His family doesn’t have the money to get another car and he hates biking to school. Plus, Louis is the kind of friend where you can ask them to do something for you and not feel awkward or guilty about it. Even though Harry’s close with the rest of the boys, he’s only really felt that way with Louis. 

“Hey,” Harry sits down next to Zayn on the bench at the same table they’ve sat almost everyday while at Sixth Form. “Liam! Are you already doing homework?!”

“Yeah mate, I’ve already got an exam this Friday in maths, but I’ve got my first day as head of Model UN today and then tennis training so I need to do it now.” 

“Jeez.” Harry shakes his head, his mess of curls bobbing around him as he pulls his lunch bag out of his knapsack.

“Harry!” Suddenly strong hands wrap around Harry’s shoulders pulling him close as the owner of the voice sits down next to him. 

“Hey Ash. You do realise we literally saw each other on Saturday, right?” Harry smirks at the golden-brown haired boy.

“Hey! That is no way to greet your favorite bandmate.” Ashton smiles once more at Harry, flashing his dimples, before focusing his attention on the other boys to catch up with. 

Harry was in Year Eleven when he met Ashton. They met in music class --Ashton was the only other one there that wanted to play actual, good music instead of the usual classical shite that their teacher always had them play-- and him and Harry immediately hit it off. 

They soon began to hang out more, Harry played the piano/keyboard and Ashton played the drums so they liked to jam out together. Eventually they started to look for others to join them so that they could add in some guitar and bass or something. Their band’s lead guitarist, Michael, was actually the one that brought them together. Michael had posted on Twitter that he and his two friends were looking for a drummer to complete their band. Ashton and Harry met up with them the next day and once they all began playing together they never stopped. 

Soon enough they began practicing with each other more and more, eventually forming their band, ‘5 Seconds of Summer’. Ashton on drums/vocals, Calum on bass/vocals, Michael on lead guitar/vocals, Luke on guitar/lead vocals, and Harry on keyboard/lead vocals. They became pretty popular, pretty fast. Everyone in Cheshire knows of them and they get paid to play gigs pretty regularly, even if they are just local house parties. Sometimes they even do gigs in Manchester. Everyone knows they have the potential to be great and actually make a career out of it. Well, if they can get out of Holmes Chapel that is. There’s also the age difference… Luke, Michael, and Calum are all in the grade below Ashton, Harry, and the rest of the boys. It’s still fun to dream that they can potentially become something big though. 

Harry sees Luke and Michael making their way to their table now, hand in hand like usual. They started dating in Year Ten, before they had even formed the band. All of their mates figure they’ll probably end up together. Despite their appearances and personalities screaming that they shouldn’t be a good fit, they still find a way to be perfect for one another.   
Great. Better to have them all here and just have it go down all at once. Harry can’t stop thinking about what he’s about to say. It’s like his mind won’t shut up about it. Although, to be fair, it is kind of a big deal. Even though some of his best friends have already come out, it’s not the same. Luke and Michael had come out together when they first realised their feelings for one another. Harry is all on his own here.

Finally, Harry spots Louis, alongside Calum, making their way to the table. 

“Hey lads! Good to all be back together again!” Louis announces before sitting across from Harry while Calum squeezes in next to him. The benches are really only made for four people but, if needed, they’re always willing to squeeze together so all nine of them can fit. 

“I know! We haven’t all been together since the beginning of the summer!” Ashton replies. 

Before they could start talking about something else, Harry interjects before he backs out of what he wants to say, “Uhhh, really quick, before we start getting into what everyone did over the summer, I have something I really need to tell all of you.” Harry gulps, the rest of the boys turn their attention to him. Welp. This is it. 

“Umm... I kind of did some soul searching, or whatever you wanna call it, over the summer and sort of... came to terms with who I am? I guess? And I met this guy who also helped me and-”

“Hazza. You’re rambling. C’mon whatever it is, just spit it out. None of us are gonna treat you any differently, whatever it is. Even if you’ve figured out you’re the next Buddha or something.” Louis assures him. 

The rest of the boys crack a smile at his joke but continue to focus their gazes on Harry, serious now that they can tell this is important to him. Harry sees Luke with a slight smile playing on his lips out of the corner of his eye. As if he already knows what he’s about to say.

Harry rubs the back of his neck looking at the table, or really anywhere besides any of their faces. 

“Okayyy, well uh… Here it goes: I’m… gay?” Harry cringes after hearing his voice go up an octave at the end, causing it to make him sound like he just asked a question. 

The rest of the boys all start talking at once.

“Oh wow that’s amazing man?”   
“Wow Harry! We’re so proud that you came out to us.”   
“Are you sure about that mate? That sounded like a question..”   
“Harry, that's great. I’m proud you were able to come to terms with what this means to you.”   
“Yes. I mean yes, you’re gay since it sounded like you were asking and I kind of already suspected.”  
“That amazing Harry, I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share with us.”   
“Nice! So how many guys have you hooked up with? Was someone the last straw that just convinced you like ‘oh yeah I’m definitely gay’?”

Harry deadpans Niall at that last comment, but on the inside he feels like a 100 kg weight just lifted off him due to hearing their support. He knew they wouldn’t react badly but it still feels good to hear it out loud. They’re his closest friends, they’re not going to treat him any differently just because he is sexually/romantically attracted to guys. Just look at Luke and Michael! They’re both out and proud and have never been treated differently for it within the group. He doesn’t know what he was so worried about. Some of his friends even seem to have suspected it.

Harry grins, a slight blush blooming on his cheeks at being the center of attention. Luckily Zayn and Liam have already moved on, captivating everyone’s attention as they discuss whether either one of them is bi or pansexual. 

“Well what’s the difference anyway?”

“Aww Payno, c’mon lad really?” Zayn asks, slightly exasperated.

“What? They’re very similar. How do you know which one you are?”

“Pansexuality is when you’re attracted to anyone no matter their gender identity. Like they could be trans, nonbinary, girl, guy, it doesn’t matter.”

“So then what’s bisexuality? I thought that was it.”

“Bisexuality is when you’re sexually attracted to either gender, sometimes with a preference for one.” 

“Hmm… Well I’m definitely attracted to girls, but like you’re hot so maybe I would go for a guy.” Liam looks like he’s deep in thought over this conundrum. 

Harry can’t believe they’re talking about it so casually. He’s been freaking out over his sexuality for the past three years and here are Liam and Zayn talking about it as if they’re deciding what tattoo to get or something. 

“Yes Liam, we all know you and Zayn hooked up at New Years last year…” Niall is involving himself into the conversation now. Harry smirks as their cheeks already start to redden.

“Whatdoyoumean? No, we didn’t.” Harry rolls his eyes. They’d all been there and it had been so obvious.

“Haha. Don’t go trying to deny it now! We all saw you two with each other’s tongues shoved down one another’s throats!” Ashton pitches in. “It’s okay, no need to try to hide it. We know you aren’t into each other romantically like that, but c’mon we were all there. We may or may not have been wasted... but we could never forget witnessing that.” 

The rest of the boys attempt to hold in their laughter. Well, except for Niall who’s straight-up cackling down at the other end of the table. Harry tries to suppress his own smile as well, but images of Liam and Zayn drunkenly making out keep flashing into his mind and he breaks. That night had been wild. Harry had almost come out to the other boys right then and there. Hell, if he’d known how casual they’d be about it, he most definitely would have. 

“Well I still don’t know-”

“What about you Zayn?” Calum tries to change the focus from Liam. Harry tells he feels bad that Liam got so uncomfortable. “What sexuality do you identify the most with?” 

So much for catching up about their summers. Nope, instead they’ll just all dive into a deep conversation about the very subject that Harry has spent tormenting himself over within a forty-five minute lunch break. Not to mention that the rest of the school is surrounding them. How are they actually talking about this right now?! 

“Well I don’t know, but I think I would fall more into pansexuality. Like I feel more attracted to the personality rather than the gender. That doesn’t really matter to me so much, it’s more about who they are.”

The boys fall silent for a moment, absorbing Zayn’s words. Harry wants to say something but he can’t find the right words. He also can’t help but notice that Louis, usually the loudest one in the friend group, has been unbearably silent. Harry doesn’t think he’s actually said a word since he first sat down. 

Harry flicks his eyes towards him only to find Louis’ staring right back. Usually Harry can always tell what he’s thinking but now Louis' eyes seem cloudy and distant. Harry’s scared to look away but Louis breaks their intense gaze first as he clears his throat, finally breaking the silence. 

“I don’t really understand why society always has to label everything. Like, why are there so many fucking labels for all these different sexualities?! Maybe everyone should just take the hint that clearly it’s way too fucking complicated and sexuality is just a spectrum. Maybe a guy mainly likes girls, but then is attracted to a few guys. What does that make him? Some other unknown label?!” 

Harry was not expecting that. He wants to ask Louis more about it but before he can get the words out, Tessa approaches their table, oblivious of what just went down.

“Hey guys! Happy first day of senior year!” She says in a sing-song voice as she goes behind Louis and rests her arms on top of his head. The brief tension that had washed over their table dissipates as they look up at her beaming face.

Tessa and Louis have been best friends since they were infants and used to share a nanny. She’s practically one of his sisters, except for the fact that she has a huge crush on him and Louis is entirely unaware of it. Harry swore his secrecy to her about it; mainly for the fact that she was scared it would ruin her and Louis' friendship which he could respect. It’s probably the only secret he’s kept from Louis. Well except for the whole ‘I’m gay’ thing. 

Harry looks back over at Louis now, trying to catch his eye again but he’s gazing down at his lap, his lunch already eaten. 

Harry examines his own partially-eaten food. He can't help but feel like something big is going on with Louis and he really doesn’t like that he hasn’t a clue of what it might be about.   
“I heard 5SOS is going to play the back to school party this Friday.” Tessa comments from above Louis. 

“Yeah!” Calum smiles at her. “It’s going to be at this field on the edge of town, near Thorns View.” 

“We’re going to even set up this makeshift stage and everything. It’s going to be mad!” Michael adds in.

“Well I can’t wait to see it! From what I can tell, it seems like all of Sixth Form will be there.” Tessa smiles too before peering down at Louis. “You’re going, right?” She says poking him on the cheek.

Tessa must also sense Louis' weird mood. 

“Yeah, of course.”

Harry feels like Tessa wants to say something more but before she can get it out, the bell rings signaling the end of lunch.


	3. Chapter 2 - Louis

Holy shit.

Harry is gay.

HARRY IS GAY?!

Oh jeez what does this mean?! This shouldn't be a big deal right?

But it is. It feels like Louis finally went out and got glasses after being used to seeing the world slightly blurry for so long. Now everything is shockingly clear.

Louis follows behind his mates as they make their way down the hallway to get to their next classes. He still feels stunned from their conversation during lunch. He wants to talk more with Harry about it but he doesn't know how. Usually Harry is the one person that he has no problem talking with, but all of a sudden he can't stop staring at his perfectly rosy lips. The way that they curve up slightly in the corner when Harry is trying not to smile. His favourite is when he manages to get Harry to smile or laugh so wide that his dimple is on full display.

Oh God why is he thinking about this? Louis stares down at the floor so no one sees the red that is sure to be on his cheeks. Harry is one of his best mates. They're friends. Best friends. That's all. That's enough. More than enough.

"Oof." Louis bumps into someone's back due to being lost in his thoughts and staring at the ground. "Sorry, mate."

"Hehe it's okay, see ya later Lou." Louis feels flustered that he was so deep in thought about Harry, he hadn't realised he'd just run into him.

"Ye- yeah. Bye." Louis chokes out. He cringes at that before briskly walking away, taking all these confusing thoughts as far away from Harry as possible.

\---

Louis blinks his eyes open at the sound of his alarm. He groggily gets out of bed to turn it onto snooze and then dives back under the covers. It doesn't matter though. Now that he's up, thoughts of Harry have already trickled back into his mind. It's all he's thought about since Harry came out to him. He doesn't think it's very normal for him to be thinking about this so much. He just can't help it though.

Louis has always felt something more for Harry than the rest of his best mates. He always thought it was just because they had a closer connection with each other than the rest of the lads. He's never felt this way with any other boy though, so it can't be more than just platonic feelings.

Ugh. There's no use in lying to yourself. No matter how much you tell yourself one thing, the truth still lies in the back of your head and it's impossible to ignore.

Louis lets himself... consider it. The truth. Just for a moment.

He thinks back over the years. To be honest he's probably always had a slight thing for Harry. They've just always been best mates and he figured nothing could come of it so he shoved it into the corner of his mind where it couldn't escape. Course now Harry has admitted he's gay and that stupid corner exploded, extending to every single crevice in his brain. No matter how much he tries to scrub a part of his mind clean, the thoughts of Harry still lie just beyond his reach. It's starting to drive him a bit mad truthfully.

His snooze goes off again causing Louis to roll over and pull himself out of bed. Oh yay. Time to get ready and go pick up the one person that you can't stop thinking about, yet they have no idea. Louis walks over to his bathroom to get ready and brush his teeth. Yesterday he had tried to act as normal as possible around Harry, but he'd felt scared he would say something that might hint of what he was thinking so he just stayed quiet. Which, of course, just made Harry more suspicious since he wasn't being his usual loud, crazy self.

Louis sighs as walks out of the bathroom and stares at his wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear. Today is the first day of football tryouts. He needs to focus on that. Not whatever he is feeling about Harry because, in the end, it will never become anything more; Louis would never risk ruining their friendship. He finally pulls out some light-wash jeans and a white Adidas t-shirt that he pairs with his usual black, retro Vans. He throws footie shorts and a jersey into a duffel bag that already contains his other gear. Louis runs a hand through his already-styled hair before heading downstairs. He can't help but feel a little bit lighter after deciding to put his energy into football instead of continuing to let Harry-thoughts consume him.

Louis bounds down the stairs and meets his Mum, Jay, in the kitchen. She is properly dressed in a stylish, maroon pantsuit with a black blouse underneath to match her black heels for work. She must be meeting with a client.

"Good morning Mum."  
"Hi honey, I didn't even hear you come down."

"Do you have to go to Manchester today?" Louis motions to her outfit.

"Oh! Umm... no I actually am meeting with a client right here in Holmes Chapel."

Louis' Mum is one of the best divorce lawyers in the county so it's weird for her to be taking a case in their cosy, little town when she usually only works with millionaires. Luckily for Louis, when her and his basically-Dad, Mark, got divorced they were pretty amicable about it and kept it mess-free. They've been separated for almost two years now. Louis and his sisters stay with Mark on the weekends and with Jay during the week which fits their busy work schedules. It gives Jay the chance to go to Manchester or Crewe or wherever during the weekend so that she can be in Holmes Chapel during the week. Mark is an architect and is constantly traveling during the week to different cities throughout Europe, but keeps weekends free so it works out well.

"Hmm. Really? Anyone I know?"

"Louis, you know I won't talk about it with you until my client's ready to announce it to everyone."

Louis scoffs, "Boring! Nothing exciting ever happens in this little town. C'mon who is special enough to get the great Johannah Deakin to represent them.".

"You'll know when everyone else does." She says going back to the stove. "Here, now eat your oatmeal. I haven't forgotten what today is."

Louis rolls his eyes but sits down at the island anyway to eat his oats. "It's just the first tryout. We probably won't even play today. Just run or something and I've been on the team long enough now to be guaranteed a spot."

"What about team captain? Haven't you been talking about that."  
Only for the past six months.   
"Yeah, but they don't decide until next weekend."

"Good morning dear!" Louis turns his head to see Lottie coming down the stairs. She takes the stool next to his as their Mum places a bowl before her.

"I don't understand why they make school so earlyyyyy." Lottie whines.

Louis chuckles at her. She should enjoy her mornings while she can, her first class starts thirty minutes after his.

"Speaking of, shouldn't you get going dear?" Louis looks at the clock.

"Yep. I'll see you lot later!" He scoops up the rest of the oatmeal into his mouth and sets the bowl in the sink. He turns to grab his backpack and duffel from the floor before walking towards the front door, snagging his keys out of the dish beside it, and heads out.

Louis hops into his VW wagon, heading off towards Harry's house. He's not going to be awkward today. Just focus on football and making team captain. That's what he's been working towards for the past four years. Besides, he has hid his true feelings for Harry for so long, just because Harry has admitted that he could feel the same doesn't mean he will.

Good.

Louis' glad he's done with that then.

He pulls up to Harry's house in no time (it really isn't that big of a town) and smiles as he sees Harry stand up to meet him from where he was reading on the front steps.

"Hey Hazza, why are you waiting outside?" Harry seems off as he ducks down to sit in the car.

"I didn't want to risk hearing my parents fight. Plus, it's nice out and we should enjoy it while we can right?"

Louis looks over at Harry's frowning face. This really isn't fair for him. Louis knows what it's like for the two people that you thought would always be together to suddenly seem like they could never be happy together.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with that Hazza. You know I'm always here for you." Feelings be damned, Harry is Louis' friend, first and foremost, meaning he will do anything for him.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks Lou." Harry cracks a smile which is good enough for Louis. For now. "Now let's get going before you make us both late!"

Louis shakes his head but takes off towards the school nonetheless.

\---

The football sails through the air and into the upper-right corner of the goal, exactly where Louis aimed. He smiles to himself as he jogs over to fetch the ball. He ducks into the goal, toeing the ball out when he spots another flying towards his head out of the corner of his eye. He ducks just in time as he hears Calum yelling, "HEADS!" a little too late.

"Mate, you're supposed to be the best striker on the team. I thought that meant you at least had decent aim..."

"Who said I wasn't aiming?" Calum grins evilly before collecting his ball from the net.

Louis and Calum have been on the same football team since Louis was in Year 10 and Calum in Year 9. They're the only ones from their friend group on the team and, coincidentally, probably the best male footie players in the school.

"Alright lads! Let's line up and we'll get on with the tryouts!" Coach Duane yells from the sidelines. Louis takes his spot front and center next to Calum. It feels good to be back on the field, gives him a sense of normalcy in such a confusing time.

"Today we'll start out with everyone's favourite exercise: suicide sprints." Everyone groans besides Louis. Good, he thinks. They should be groaning. Just makes him look that much better for being chosen as captain.

"Remember these first couple days are all about physical fitness. Next week is when we'll get more into the technical aspects of things and then will pick our team captain, who will help run the final week of tryouts. If you think you are captain material, then you better start proving it." Louis nods his head, practically willing the coach to make direct eye-contact with him to prove he's listening.

Becoming team captain seems more important than ever now. The more responsibility with the football team, the less time to think about Harry and trying to suppress his stupid feelings. It's been three fucking days and he already feels so pathetic about it. He needs this.

A coach's whistle snaps Louis out of his momentary daze. Time to focus.

"Line up on the goalline boys. You all know how it works: sprint to the closest cone and back to the endline before going to the next closest cone and back again. Once you get to the farthest cone, run back to the endline and then go to the next farthest cone until you're back on the closest cone. First one to throw up is cut!"

Louis grins, Coach is just trying to scare the new boys but by the looks of it: it's working. Usually he ends up praising the ones that throw up as long as they finish. Anyone with their right mind will finish if they want to come back tomorrow.

Louis and Calum head over to the goal line and take their starting position. In this moment, Louis feels very glad for Tessa and her relentless training from the past couple weeks. His gaze skims over the field to where the girls are doing their tryouts. Louis and Tessa have been playing together for as long as he can remember. It's probably a big part of why he's so good now. When they were in primary school, no one could pry a football from them if they tried.

"GET SET! GO!" The whistle blows and Louis takes off. He may be one of the smaller guys on the team but he makes up for it with his speed and technique. He makes it to the first cone, touching his fingers to the ground before sprinting back to the goal line. His adrenaline is rushing through his entire body right now. His fingers brush the white-painted grass on the end line before he is back sprinting off towards the second cone. He's definitely near the front considering he can barely see any other guys keeping up with him out of his peripheral vision. They can try and hang on to his lead but Louis knows he'll drop them soon enough. Louis touches the ground as he spins and heads back. He's sprinting so fast he feels like he's flying. All the pain and confusion he has felt the past few days simply melts away as he runs from line to cone and back again. Louis swiftly touches the end line before taking off again. He can no longer see anyone else running the same direction as him; everyone is still heading towards the end line. He can feel pain in his chest now. His lungs are burning but it's nothing compared to how he's been feeling.

This thought fuels Louis to run faster as he reaches each cone, before sprinting back to the end line and back again. And again. And again, until he finally reaches the closest cone after having completed the set.

Louis collapses on the ground once he crosses the goal line, gasping for air as his stomach rises and falls with each deep breath. He turns his head to look at the other boys. The next closest is just reaching the final cone in the set. He gets up to start cheering on the boys to run faster. Gotta start proving this captaincy somehow.

"Good job Tomlinson!" Louis smiles at Coach Duane before turning his attention back to cheering on the rest of the lads.

\---

"You ready?" Tessa walks up to where Louis is tying up his Vans. He throws his cleats, shin guards, and dirty socks into his duffel.

"Yep. Let's go." Louis waves goodbye to his friends, their tired faces prominent as they wave back. Despite it only being the first day, Coach Duane has already scared some guys into quitting. He can't blame him much though. They've come so close to the championships the past few years and Louis really wants to win before he graduates. Needs to.

Louis and Tessa walk towards his car. They're both still in their sweaty shorts and t-shirts but at least don't smell too bad since they took off their cleats and such.

"Is it okay if I just come to yours?" Tessa asks. Louis figured she would want to come over anyway.

"Yeah, of course." Tessa's parents got divorced when she was only five years and old, putting her in the custody of her Mum, Helene. Her Dad had left Holmes Chapel and got married with a woman named Heidi and had two sons with her. Tessa never saw much of them except for the occasional holiday or event that her Dad would invite her to. She always dreaded them and would either beg Louis to come along or go straight to his house after to complain. However, her Mum died the summer going into Tessa and Louis' tenth year so now she has to live with her Dad. He lives in Middlewich, the town right next to Holmes Chapel so she can still go to school with Louis at least. Tessa's and Louis' mums had been best friends ever since they first met when Louis and Tessa were infants. She's basically family and is constantly at Louis' house. His family all know her really well and to be honest, he thinks that when his parents got divorced it was just as hard on her as it was on him.

They listen to music as they drive back to Louis' house. His car's aux cord is broken but rather than fixing it like a normal human being, Louis started collecting CD's to play instead. The sound system works great with them and he likes the fact that you have to listen to the album the way that the artist intended. It also allows you to learn more than just the popular songs. Right now 'The Ride' by Catfish and the Bottleman is playing. Louis can faintly hear Tessa humming along to 7.

It's not long until Louis pulls into his driveway alongside his Mum's car. Small towns tend to do that. Louis' legs feel stiff as he gets out of the car. Great. He already feels sore and tryouts literally just started. Whatever, he'll just put on some IcyHot cream before he goes to bed.

Tessa follows him into the house.

"Tessy! Look at my drawing!" Louis' baby sisters yell from the dining room.

"Wow that's very impressive Daisy!" Louis loves that Tessa is so familiar with his family. His youngest sisters, twins: Phoebe and Daisy, are only six years old and absolutely adore her. Louis doesn't mind though because at least when Tessa comes over it doesn't feel like he needs to entertain her.

"Very cool Daisy." Louis comments as he motions for Tessa to follow him upstairs towards his room.

"Louis? Tessa! Oh darling will you be staying for dinner?" Jay yells from the kitchen.

"Sure, thanks!"

"Of course love, but make sure to let your father know!"

Tessa rolls her eyes simply at the mention of him, but yells back, "Will do!" as she follows Louis up the stairs.

Louis flops onto his bead and groans.

"Tryouts that rough?"

"'Suicidal' one might say."

"Ah. Gotcha."

Louis rolls over to face Tessa. "What about you? How'd it go? Do you think you'll have any competition for team captain?" Another good thing about Tessa, unlike any of his actual sisters, she is very similar to him. Including her drive to be the best. It makes it very easy to talk with her. 

"Yeah I mean today we mostly did drills and then a bunch of running at the end. I think I've got a good chance at getting picked for captain. Kalyn is my only real competition of course. I love her but the girl always has to be so goddamn good at everything. Drives me absolutely insane." Louis laughs at Tessa's annoyance. Kalyn is one of her closest friends which means Louis has endured Tessa's complaints about her for years now.

"Well, that will just give you more reason to fight for captaincy. The person who wants-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know the person that wants it most will always win in the end." Louis watches Tessa smile as she spins in his desk chair. See? So easy to talk with, she can basically read his mind. That, of course, causes Louis to start thinking about how all Tessa would see is Harry if she could actually read his mind. Tessa and Louis don't talk about romantic stuff that much, but it's not like he can talk about it with any of his guy mates without risking them telling Harry. Maybe he should just tell her about it...

"So what's been going on with you lately?" Woah. Maybe she can actually read minds.

"What do you mean? School, football, what else is there?"

"Oh, don't act dumb Louis. C'mon I've known you too long for you to try and hide anything from me. Just tell me, I promise I won't say anything." Louis studies her. He can tell she is being sincere and it's Tessa. He knows he can trust her. He also feels like he's going to implode if he doesn't tell someone about these confusing thoughts.

"Well... you know how Hazza came out as gay?"

"WOAH! Louis don't tell me you're a homophobe because I will send you to anti-conversion therapy if you-"

"No! Jeez c'mon Tessa! Were you not just telling me how well you know me?! I would never, ever, in a million years think something like that!" Tessa recoils a little bit at how offended Louis is.

She puts her palms up in the air, "It was just a joke Lou but glad to know you are so passionate about it."

Louis is still slightly fuming but continues on anyway, "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," he fake glares at Tessa and she smiles sheepishly to show she feels bad, "Hazza came out and all of a sudden I haven't been able to stop thinking about it." Once Louis gets that first sentence out he feels like he can't prevent the rest from spilling out of him.

"I'm not even thinking about how he likes guys instead of girls now or whatever. It's me. I'm thinking it. Not about liking guys. Well not guys, just Hazza. I can't stop thinking about it Tessa and as much as I want to admit that they're just platonic thoughts, I can't. It's more than that Tess, and it scares me because I don't know what it means. I think I've always felt something more for Hazza but I never quite knew what. It wasn't until I figured out he could actually be physically or sexually attracted to me as more than a friend did it become clear. Annnnd now I don't know what to do with all these thoughts that just keep swirling around in my head."

Louis slowly looks up from where he was staring at the wall to see Tessa. She has stopped spinning in the chair but she's not really facing him. She's staring at the ceiling seemingly absorbing his words. He needs her to say something because that was absofuckinglutely terrifying to say and now she's not saying anything.

"Tess?"

"Sorry, sorry I don't mean to be rude." She ducks her head into her sleeve before she finally makes eye contact with Louis. Her eyes look slightly glassy but Louis is pretty sure it's just the light. What else would it be? "That's just a lot to take in."

"Yeah."

Louis watches as Tessa studies his face. It seems like something has clicked in her mind as she stares back at him.

"Well it seems to me like you're not as confused about what you're feeling as you think. I think that you just need to come to terms with it. Obviously this has been a part of your life for a long time, but you have never let yourself actually accept it. It's just going to take a little time to understand what this means to you Louis. Just try not to be scared. There's nothing wrong with you and I don't want you to ever think that." She forces her lips to turn up to what Louis thinks is supposed to be a reassuring smile.

They stare at each other for a moment until a phone vibrating breaks the silence. Tessa looks down at her screen.

"It's my Dad, I'm going to go home."

"What? Just like that? I thought you were going to stay for dinner? You never give in without a fight."

"Yeah. I dunno I'm just tired." Louis can sense something has changed with her. She seems closed off. Maybe even sad.

"Well at least let me drive you home."

Tessa is collecting her bag as she gets up to head out the door, "No it's okay. He's already on his way, I'm just going to start walking until I see his car." She leaves without saying goodbye to him or any of his family. Before Louis can even get to the top of the stairs, she is out the door.

Is she mad at him or something? She seemed okay with his statement so what else could it have been? Why would she just leave like that?

\---

Louis twirls his pen mindlessly as he stares at his Calculus textbook. Dinner had felt kinda awkward after having to explain to his family that Tessa had left unexpectedly to have dinner at home, the one place she is usually trying to escape. He still doesn't know what he did wrong. He had texted her after dinner and she had replied to let him know that she was proud that he told her how he's been feeling, like everything was normal. It still doesn't feel right though.

Louis tries to focus back on the problems in front of him. Limits. They're not even a week in and he's already lost on what to do.

He is finally finishing up the last problem when his phone rings. Thinking it must be Tessa, Louis picks it up absent mindlessly. He answers without even looking at the screen as he continues to work on the last problem.

"Hey Tess, are you okay?"

"Uhhh.. try again mate."

"Hazza?"

"Yeah, sorry were you waiting for a call from Tessa?"

"Uhh no, no. Well kinda? I don't know to be honest it's kinda complicated."

"Oh, okay. I can just talk to you tomorrow then."

"No it's okay I literally just finished my homework." Louis slams the textbook shut. "What's up?"

"Ermm nothing much? I was... uhhh... wondering if I can come over tonight? My parents won't stop fighting and I can't concentrate on anything. I just really need to get out of here."

"Oh of course! Yeah, you can even stay the night if you'd like."

"Okay. I'll be over in 10, then."

"Do you want me to come pick you up?"

"No it's okay. I think a walk will do me good, ya know?"

"Alright then. See you soon."

Louis can't help but smile as he hangs up the phone. He feels lighter inside, giddy almost just at the thought of getting to be alone with Harry. He's glad Harry trusts him enough to want to come to his house rather than any of their other friends. Louis likes to think that Harry and him have always had a closer bond with each other despite having been best friends with, at least, Liam and Zayn for the same amount of time. Hmmm.

Louis looks around his room. It looks the same as always. His bed with the navy sheets in the far corner, a shelf above it with his various footie trophies and medals. His desk sits in the opposite corner and is already cluttered with work for school. His charcoal blinds are drawn over the window that sits along the same wall as the bed, near the corner where his closet lies. For some reason everything feels very distant though. He knows that Harry has been struggling with his parents for a couple months now. Louis feels bad that he wasn't able to be there for him over the summer. Now he wants Harry to feel at home here, since he can't at his own house.

Louis starts to do the one thing he never does voluntarily: clean. He picks clothes up off the floor, shoving his footie bag into the corner near his door. Louis goes over to his desk and actually stacks up his textbooks and shoves them to the corner before putting his papers and binders into his school bag. He hangs up his guitar. He never really plays it anymore but he keeps it around because he likes that Harry or one of his other friends will play it when they come over. Louis takes the football that's sitting on his beanbag and throws it into the duffel. Maybe he should leave it out in case Harry wants to play with it? No, ugh he doesn't even know why he's thinking so much about this. He thought he was going to try and stop focusing on his feelings for Harry but after talking with Tessa it feels more natural to keep musing over it.

Louis' just finished cleaning when Harry walks in, eating a biscuit.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Your Mum gave it to me. I think she and Lottie made them." Harry looks around the room. "Louis... your room!"

"What?"

"Mate, in the what? twelve years that I've known you, I don't think I've ever seen the ground in this room."

Louis smiles abashedly, "Yeah well... I dunno, I just felt like I should keep it cleaner. Homier.".

"Yeah, it's kinda nice not having to be scared that I might be about to step in something gross." Harry walks over to the beanbag, plucking the guitar off the wall as he does so.

Louis shyly beams as he watches Harry. He mind wanders as Harry sits down and strums the guitar while chewing his biscuit. What would it be like to go over there and sit with him? Be in a little beanbag hole with Harry, pressed up as close as humanly possible. Maybe have his legs draped across his lap as he rests his head on his shoulder, listening to him play. He wants to keep thinking. Go further into the fantasy but despite Tessa's words, he's still scared.

Louis goes over to his bed before Harry can notice his staring. He already finished his homework so he doesn't really have anything to do now. There's sort of an odd feeling in the air. Usually Louis and Harry are always talking when together but now it just feels... quiet.

"I thought you had homework to do."

"Eh. To be honest I did it at the bakery while I was working earlier, but I just really wanted to get out of there." Harry looks down to avoid eye contact with Louis. Louis looks at the clock. Nine pm.

"We can watch a movie on my laptop if you want?"

Harry smiles before hanging the guitar back up and flopping onto the bed beside Louis. He sighs, "sounds perfect." Louis laughs as Harry sidles up next to him. Louis can feel the skin tingling in the spots where Harry is touching him. He glances down at Harry to see if he feels the same but he looks totally oblivious. Well so much for that one.

Louis sighs and gets up to go grab his laptop from his desk before laying back down next to Harry.

"What should we watch?"

"I dunno what's on Netflix?"

Louis scrolls through the various movies. As they skim over the titles he asks, "Are you ready for the gig on Friday?"

"Yeah, I'm actually really excited. I feel like I improved a lot over the summer and it will feel good to be back on a stage with the rest of the boys again. I can't wait for you to see. We've even got some new songs prepared!" Louis loves watching Harry talk about the thing he loves most. His eyes light up and he can tell that Harry probably doesn't even realise he's smiling.

"Good. I'm excited too." Louis forces himself to look away from Harry's sparkling, jade eyes.

"Oh! What about Ocean's Eleven? I haven't seen that one in ages."

"Sure, I don't think I've seen that one yet."  
"WHAT?!" Harry screeches, Louis looks over at his surprised face.

"Oh my god we are most definitely watching it now. Then the next time I stay over we're watching the sequels and Ocean's Eight which is basically the girl version but is definitely just as good, maybe even better."

"Alright, alright. Sounds like a plan." Louis smiles to himself as he starts the movie, mindlessly snuggling up closer to Harry as Harry pulls the duvet over themselves.

'Next time'. Louis grins, he can't help it. Maybe he should just take a chance and make a move with Harry.

Harry's gig with 5SOS is coming up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone actually sees this, I will be updating with a new chapter every Monday hopefully. I have this fic all planned out already so I think I'll be pretty good about updating at least once a week. Let me know what you think so far! Having to write them out at a party with live music is going to kill me after having been in quarantine/covid for so long! *sigh* at least I can write about it... xx


	4. Chapter 3 - Harry

Harry blinks his eyes open at the sound of his alarm going off from his phone. At least he thinks that was his alarm. He stares at the unfamiliar cream-colored popcorn ceiling. Yeah…. That’s definitely not his ceiling. Where the fuck is he?! Is this still a dream? He is about ninety percent sure that it’s a school day so why the hell is he not in his own bed?

Better question: who the hell is his arm wrapped around?! 

Harry glances as far down as he can without having to move his head and disturb said person. 

Oh. 

It’s only Louis. Okay, now the memories from last night are flooding back. Harry sees Louis’ laptop sitting on the edge of the bed; albeit it’s closed now which means Louis must have at least been awake enough to shut it after Harry had fallen asleep halfway through the movie. 

Harry reaches over to turn his alarm off which Louis is somehow easily sleeping through. He knows that he shouldn’t have his arm wrapped around Louis’ back all intimate like this but, to be fair, Louis is the one who has somehow tucked himself into Harry’s side and has an arm sprawled across Harry’s chest. 

Harry’s going to disentangle himself. He doesn’t want Louis to think that now that Harry is out of the closet he’s going to start coming onto his friends or something stupid like that. But... it does feel good to have Louis in his arms. It’s more comforting than anything else. Right? Louis and Harry have always had a stronger connection with each other than the rest of the boys and with all the shit going on with his parents, it feels really good to be so close to him.

He also can’t deny that last night was the best sleep he’s had in ages. Usually his dreams are wrecked with anxiety, causing him to wake up at various times throughout the night usually in a cold-sweat. Last night though, Harry had felt safe next to Louis. He slept so deeply that he’d felt like nothing could touch him. Kind of like he was floating in a lake that was surrounded by ferocious lions, but as long as he stayed in the water they wouldn't attack. Louis was the water that kept him protected. He knew he couldn’t stay in the lake forever but for now it felt good to just float peacefully on his back. As he relishes in Louis’ warmth, Harry feels himself falling back asleep.

Harry’s eyes fly open at the insanely loud blaring of Louis’ alarm, causing him to actually jolt up in the bed. Louis, on the other hand, simply rolls over to turn it on snooze before lying back on his side. Harry rolls his eyes, no one else on the planet would be able to sleep after that sound. Well, maybe besides Zayn. 

Harry gets out of the bed and walks into the bathroom to get ready before Louis. It’s only then when he realises that he doesn’t have any proper clothes or even a toothbrush… Harry sighs. As much as he wants to stay and get ready here with Louis, Harry is sure that whatever trousers or shorts he ends up borrowing will get him dress coded for being so tight… 

“Lou?” Harry gently shakes Louis’ shoulders after having gone back into Louis’ room. “Louis I gotta go ok?”

“Hmm?”

Harry laughs at Louis’ inability to even open his eyes. “I don’t have anything I need for school. I gotta go home to get ready.”

Somehow, this is what finally gives Louis the motivation to get his ass out of bed. “What? Noo, stay.” 

Harry laughs at the sight of sleep-rumpled Louis. His hair is flopped down in front of his face and his eyelids are only half open, causing the cerulean blue of his irises to only peak out the bottom. “I can’t stay, I got to go home to get ready for school.”

“But you don’t wanna go home.”

“True, but I also want to graduate and not look like a hobo so I gotta go home and change. Plus, ya know, I gotta get my schoolwork and such.” Louis finally opens his eyes to look up at Harry, Harry can’t help but smile back down. He’s gotta admit that Louis does look pretty cute being all sleepy and disheveled. “You’ll still pick me up right?”

“What? You’re gonna walk home”

“I mean… yeah.” Harry looks down at the time on his phone. “I better get going or I won’t have enough time.”

Harry turns around, looking at the floor as he tries to remember where he put his shoes --they’re probably just near the front door-- when Louis suddenly grabs his wrist. 

“Wait!”

Harry looks over his shoulder at Louis, having been prevented from moving any further due to the hand that’s still clutching his wrist. He raises his eyebrows at the gesture. 

“What if I get ready really fast now and then I’ll drive you to your house and you can get ready. That way you don’t have to walk.”

Harry’s surprised that Louis’ willing to do that for him. They’re pretty close but c’mon, even your best friends leave ya hanging half the time. 

“I mean… yeah that works for me. Are you sure though? Because we would have to leave in like, ten minutes.”

“Yeah, yeah I’ve had less time.” Louis glances at the clock, already moving to get out of bed. “Oh shit, I forgot to put on the IcyHot last night.” Louis says, rubbing his sore legs.

Harry laughs at that, flopping down onto Louis’ beanbag. “Okayyyy…” He scrunches his eyebrows, still a little unsure of why Louis is doing this. Especially since it’s Louis. He’s pretty sure he would never do this if it was Liam in Harry’s position right now…

\---

“Do you want a bar or something? I’m sorry we don’t really have enough time to have a proper breakfast.”

Harry opens the fridge looking for some fruit that he and Louis can eat on the way to school. Despite Louis having to pack bags for both the school day and his football tryouts afterwards, they still made it out in ten minutes while it took Harry fifteen just to get dressed and ready. Now they barely have ten minutes before the first bell and are racing to get out the door. 

“Sure that sounds good.”

Harry nods as he grabs two apples from the fridge and another couple granola bars from the pantry. “Alright, I think we’re good. Let’s go.”

Louis smiles as he twirls his keys around his fingers, hand reaching out expectantly for the food. “This was fun. I liked getting ready with you. Kinda a nice change of pace.” 

Harry has to agree. Usually he gets ready as fast as possible and eats his breakfast outside while he waits for Louis to show up in order to escape the inevitable fighting of his parents. 

“It was. Maybe we can do it more often.” Harry says, doing a little nervous laugh. What was that Harry? How would they do this more often? He said it was fun, not that he wants you to move in dumbass. Calm yourself. 

Harry follows behind Louis so that he can’t see the blush on his face as they hop into Louis’ VW and then start heading towards the school. 

“I’d be down for that.” 

Oh? Harry stares down at his lap so Louis doesn’t see the doofus grin that’s sure to be spread across his face. Staying at Louis’ was practically a fantasy compared to his house; he’ll definitely have to take him up on that offer. 

\---

Harry stares at the blank page in front of him, waiting for Ashton to pick him up. Usually Fridays are like the one day when his parents are both out all day, but for some reason they were both there when Harry got home after school today which means he’s had to endure their harsh words for the past three hours. He’s tried to ignore them by focusing on writing a new song, but he’s pretty much just been doodling and staring at the pages as thoughts stumble around in his head. 

It’s weird to hear two people that were supposedly in love once say such shitty things to one another. He came outside about an hour ago to try and drown out the sounds of their yelling. Usually writing is the one thing that allows Harry to release all the pent up anger and sadness inside him, restore his mental health, but right now his parents' words just keep echoing around in his head. It feels like they were happy in an alternate reality. When Harry thinks back to when they were an actual happy little family, he feels like he’s remembering someone else’s life rather than his own.

Luckily, he has his first gig of the new school year with 5SOS tonight. Harry has been excited about it all day and despite the rough afternoon, he is determined to have a good time tonight. 

Harry swivels his head at the sound of a car coming down the road. He recognises Ashton’s black Jeep and quickly shuts his notebook before shoving it into his backpack. 

Ashton grins when he pulls up in front of Harry’s house, his dimples prominent and golden-brown curls tumbling out of the red bandana wrapped around his forehead. “You ready to rock this shit?!”

Harry laughs, “I’m not exactly sure what that means, but yes.” He puts his keyboard case into the back along with his bag and climbs into the passenger seat.

Ashton takes off, driving towards the venue. “It means we are going to fucking blow the roof off this joint!!”

“I don’t think it has a roof… isn’t it outside?”

“You know what I mean.” Ashton’s still grinning. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m definitely excited to perform today.”

“Me too, especially since you’re actually semi-decent now.”

“Pssf! Semi-decent? What was I before?!”

“Slightly better than Luke.”

“Oh ok. As long as I was better than Luke.”

Ashton laughs, side-eyeing Harry. “Nah, I’m just messing. You definitely have that, like, ‘star’ power.’

“Star power?”

“Yeah, ya know? You’re like very charismatic and attractive in a non-overbearing kind of way…”

“Wow, Ash. I never realised you felt this way about me.” Harry wipes his eyes as if he’s tearing up as Ashton’s words.

“Oh, shut up.” Ashton rolls his eyes at Harry's fake crying. “I’m never complimenting you again.”

“Why not? You’ve clearly thought a lot about this ‘star power’ I possess.”

Harry’s pretty sure Ashton would shove him right now if he wasn’t driving. “It’s just my job as the hype man of the band.”

“Who nominated you as the hype man?”

Ashton fully turns his head to look at Harry, a blank stare on his face, before turning back to the road. “Are you even serious? Who else would it fucking be?! Have I not continually hyped this band up since the beginning?”

Harry pretends to think about it, but he already knows Ashton is right. Ashton’s always the one that is leading them in pep talks before they go out onstage and gets them excited to perform to help with their nerves. 

“Okay, okay; I give, you're right. Are we picking up Calum?”

“The hell I’m fucking right. And Calum is gonna ride with Luke and Michael in the van so we can set up right when we get there and then get ourselves ready.”

“And then rock this shit?”

“AND THEN ROCK THIS FUCKING SHIT!!!” Ashton screams joyously causing Harry to laugh heartily as they speed off towards the party. 

\---

“There you guys are! Kinda cutting it close don’t you think?” Luke asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“What?” Ashton checks the time on his phone. “You said we go on a nine, it’s not even eight o’clock yet. You wanna do a dress rehearsal or something ‘Mr. Professional’ or did you forget we’re just a bunch of teenagers?”

Luke’s face flushes, causing him to duck behind Michael. “Hey! He does have a point… we do need to set up and Ashton’s drum kit always takes forever.” Michael says, reaching behind himself to hug Luke who has moved to rest his chin on Michael’s shoulder. 

Harry sighs at the sight. He wishes he could have a guy that understood him the way Michael and Luke understand one another. It just seems so natural and comfortable with them. 

Luke and Ashton start discussing logistics about where to set things up while Harry watches Michael tune his guitar for probably the umpteenth time that day. They’ve been playing together long enough to learn each other’s nervous habits. 

Harry usually tries to busy himself before the set to keep himself distracted and away from overthinking everything. He can’t help it tonight though. On top of having to deal with his parents all afternoon, he’s also been worrying about the fact that now that there’s three gay/bi dudes in the band he feels like they won’t get as much attention since their main audience has mostly been girls. He knows that they’ve improved and that it’s not like their music has changed, but he can’t help but worry that it won't be enough.

Harry focuses his gaze on the stage that they’ve set up in the middle of a field on the edge of town. It was organised by a bunch of students in sixth form, including some that are part of student council who really got the whole school involved, and the stage is actually decent size. Harry can already see his classmates arriving, booze in hand --the aspect that the school is definitely not involved in-- and laughing like they don’t have a care in the world. 

Harry can feel his heart start to rapidly beat within his chest but he can’t seem to get himself to relax. Usually performing is the one thing that lets him get out of his head for a while and just be Harry Styles, but for once in his life he’s actually scared of what people will think of him. 

“Harryyy? Hello?” Harry’s head snaps up. Oops. I guess he’s a little more consumed by this that he realised. “You got your keyboard set up?” Calum yells from across the room. 

Harry focuses on Calum before looking back down to the very obviously not-set-up keyboard at his feet. “Yeah.” He deadpans. 

Calum rolls his eyes. “Well get to it then, we still gotta do the sound check before we start playing.” 

Harry bends to unzip the keyboard out of its bag and set up the stand while he listens to the boys continue to talk. 

“Are you guys ready?!! They’re gonna love our new songs!” Ashton cheers, staying true to his ‘hype man’ title. 

“Ashton half of our songs are covers.” Calum pointed out. 

“Yeah but they’ve never heard us play them.”

“I’m excited for our friends to see how much we’ve improved.” Harry chimes in. 

“Speak for yourself man, I’ve always been amazing.”

“Okay Cal, you talk big for a guy that plays an instrument with only four strings.”

They boys laugh together as they continue to prepare their instruments for the set and Calum fake pouts. “Whatever… you guys are just jealous because you know my breathtaking bass playing is what truly makes our songs so great. Honestly, I don’t know what you all would do without me.”

“Pssf. Probably just have Luke or Michael learn bass and then we wouldn’t need two guitar melodies.” 

Calum gasps, clutching his chest where his heart is. “Wow. Really feeling the love mates.”

“Yep, you’re never safe with us Cal.” Ashton climbs over his semi-dismantled drum kit to rest his hand on Calum’s shoulder. “You better play like your life depends on it orrrr…” Ashton makes a motion as if he’s chopping his head off at the neck with his finger. 

“Ashton! I thought you were supposed to be the hype man! Now you’re getting poor baby Calum all scared.” Harry moves to push Ashton away and take Calum into a side hug, his keyboard finally set up. 

Calum gives Ashton his best puppy-dog face. “Nice to know at least someone still cares.”

“This is all part of the hype-man package. I’ve got to use different tactics to get you all to play your best. When Calum gives us the best bass playing he’s ever done in his LIFE! because of me threatening his spot! you’ll all be fucking grateful.”

Harry rolls his eyes, letting go of Calum. “Uh huh.”

“Ashton, you need help?” Michael calls, finally setting his guitar down from where he’s been tuning it for the past thirty minutes. 

“Yeah, you finally get it tuned?”

“I guess… I dunno it feels like it could be better.”

“Don’t worry about it! Hey move the snare over here.” Ashton points to where he wants Michael to place the drum. “As long as we can all vibe together everything will fall into place. They’ll be so busy feeding off our energy, it will sound perfect to them no matter what.” 

“Yeah, I guess so. Thanks Ash.” 

Harry smiles, having sat down on an amp while he watches them. Pretty much everything else is set up now; Luke was right saying that Ashton’s drum kit always take the longest. 

“Heyyy, no problem at all!” Ashton squeezes Michael’s shoulders causing him to shove him off but still grinning all the same. “Okay, I think I’m all good!” Ashton looks around, assessing that he is, once again, the last to finish preparing to go onstage. 

“Right, well we’ve only got ten minutes before we should go onstage so let's huddle up.” Ashton forces the boys to circle together, resting their arms on one another's shoulders. 

“Remember that this is supposed to be fun. It’s not like our lives depend on crushing this gig so as long as we have fun and play somewhat adequate then we’ll be good!”

“Very motivating, thanks Ash.” Harry adds, making sure that Ashton knows he is slightly mocking the hype-man demeanor he’s still flaunting. 

“You’re welcome. Now we’re basically getting paid jack-shit for this which means that there is literally no reason to worry about messing up or forgetting the lyrics.” Ashton looks pointedly at Calum who averts his eyes; they’ve had a few mishaps in the past. “Anddd, there’s no reason to think that anyone is going to look at us any different just because new information has... come to light.” Ashton meets Harry’s eyes now. Guess he hasn’t been as subtle as he thought. 

“Ash is right. Everyone here has already heard us play, they know what to expect.” Michael says. 

“Yeah except for the fact that we’re also MUCH better now and are going to fucking kill!” Harry can tell Ashton is getting really excited now, it’s kind of rubbing off on the other boys. 

“Yeah! So let's do what we do best!” Luke puts his hand in like in a sports team huddle, causing the boys to follow suit.

“On five boys!” Ashton cries, starting his usual cheer to hype the boys up before they go onstage.

“ONE!” Ashton yells, starting it off per usual. 

“TWO!” Calum chants, saying his respective number. 

“THREE!” Michael roars next. 

“FOUR!” Luke cheers.

“FIVE!” 

Harry finishes it up and they all lift their hands in the air yelling, “SOS!” in unison. 

“Oh good! We caught you guys before you all went onstage!” Liam exclaims, just as 5SOS is about to walk out. 

Harry smiles as his friends come over to them. They usually visit them backstage before their set and it feels comforting to see their faces, it helps remind Harry that nothing has to be that different since he’s come out. 

“You ready?” Louis tugs Harry off to the side as the rest of the boys start talking in a big glob. 

“Yeah. I mean as much as I can be.”

“Are you okay? You seem a bit more nervous than usual.” 

“I know, I’m just… I don’t know.”

Louis frowns, Harry knows he’s given himself away. Louis and him have just been so close for so long, he probably knows Harry better than anyone. “You’re going to do amazing Harry. You always do. To be honest, I don’t think you could suck even if you tried.”

“What about if people don’t look at me the same though Lou?”

“Trust me Hazza, it doesn’t matter if you’re L, G, B, X, whatever... girls will always look at you like you’re the last biscuit in the jar and they haven’t eaten in days.” This finally gets Harry to smile. Leave it to Louis to always make him feel better. 

“Thanks... I think. Okay, well I better get going onstage. I’ll see you after the set yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah of course. I’ll uhhh… be watching.”

“You better.” Harry turns to leave and walk on to the stage with his bandmates. “Oh and Lou?”

“Yeah?”

“Seriously, thank you for checking in, I was kinda really freaking out there but uhh… I feel ready now.” Louis blushes as he smiles, causing Harry to beam as he walks onto the stage. 

\---

Harry open-mouth grins at the smiling faces dancing below him. There’s really nothing like performing in front of everyone. Once 5SOS started playing, all of his thoughts seemed to melt away as the music took over. He doesn't even know why he was so worried earlier. If anything, coming out has caused them to have more fans now because there are a bunch more boys dancing along with the girls in the crowd. 

Harry sings out the chorus to ‘Teenage Dirtbag’ along with Luke and Calum. They’ve been playing a pretty good mix of covers and originals. This is one of Harry’s favorites because everyone always goes crazy during it in a haze of irresponsible, rebellious, teenage fun. Harry spots his friends dancing in the middle. 

He’s pretty sure this girl, Hayley, is grinding on Liam while Niall forces Zayn to come dance with Tessa and him in a mosh pit that Niall probably formed. Louis is off to the side sipping a beer. Harry knows that Louis probably wouldn’t go to these parties if it weren’t for 5SOS playing them due to his social anxiety, but they’re friends usually stay closeby to him so he doesn’t feel too anxious. 

Harry locks eyes with Louis as he sings out the bridge, trying to get him to lose himself in the music a bit rather than the thoughts that are sure to be racing in his head. 

Man, I feel like mold  
It's prom night and I am lonely  
Low and behold  
She's walking over to me  
This must be fake  
My lip starts to shake  
How does she know who I am?  
And why does she give a damn about me?

Harry finally tears his eyes away from Louis when the song ends and Zayn goes over to stand with him, immediately lighting a cigarette as they chat off to the side. 

5SOS launch into their next song so Harry focuses back on the crowd. It feels so damn good dancing around onstage, singing and playing music with his friends. This guy in their class, James, has been attempting to flirt with Harry all night. He keeps staring up at him in what Harry thinks is supposed to be... seductive? He doesn’t really care though, he just likes the attention. 

Harry smiles back, making sure his dimple is on show. James is pretty cute after all. He has sandy-blonde hair that is swept to the side messily, probably from all the dancing, but he still looks cute. He’s got a splattering of freckles across his cheeks that match the brown of his eyes. Not exactly the look that Harry usually goes for, but right now he feels high off of adrenaline and a cute blonde boy doesn’t sound like a bad way to end the night. 

Before he knows it, Harry realises that they’re on their last song of the night. They’re closing it off with one of their new original songs: Unpredictable. 

Harry steps back from the mic for the last chorus as Michael and Luke meet at the front of the stage. Together they belt out the remaining lyrics into the same mic while staring at one another. 

I'll take you where you wanna go  
Pick you up if you fall to pieces  
Let me be the one to save you  
Break the plans we had before  
Let's be unpredictable  
Pick you up if you fall to pieces  
Let me be the one to save you  
Let go!  
Till' we've lost control  
And we'll stumble through it all  
Let's do something new and unpredictable

The crowd goes absolutely ballistic. You’d have to blind to not see their chemistry which is only being magnified by the song. The sweat gleams off their skin and hair from the hot lights shining down on them which only adds to the energy up onstage. The crowd is eating up their every move.

“THANK YOU HOLMES CHAPEL!!!! YOU WILL FOREVER BE OUT FAVORITE CROWD SO DON’T WORRY WE’LL BE BACK TO PLAY FOR YOU ALL SOON! WE LOVE YOU AND GOOD NIGHT” Micheal yells out to the crowd after the song ends. Before the lights on stage go dark, the boys rush off through the back as someone trades places to DJ. 

Harry is sure that he wouldn’t be able to stop smiling even if he tried. He feels like he’s high off of life after having fucking dismantled that set. It honestly went better than Harry could’ve even imagined. 

“Boysssssss!!! That was fucking epic!” Ashton clamps Harry and Luke on the shoulders, their smiles just as big. 

“I know! The energy was off the charts tonight! That was insane!” Calum exclaims.

“And those weren’t even our best songs! Yet, I still feel like that was the best set we’ve ever played!”

“It did feel good.”

“Just good Harry?!”

“Okayyy it felt fucking incredible!”

“Harry!” Harry whirls around at the sound of an unfamiliar voice yelling his name. 

“Hey, I just wanted to tell you that you were amazing!” Harry takes in the blonde boy standing before him. “You all were.” James adds after a moment.

“Thanks! We’ve been practicing all summer so I would hope that we’ve improved.”

“Oh yeah, I can definitely tell. You seemed so confident up there too.” Harry looks down at the spot on his arm where James has placed his hand. “I’ve never seen you like that before. It was pretty hot.”

Woah ok so he’s just jumping right into it. Harry doesn’t really know what to say to that. It’s not like James isn’t hot but he can also tell that James totally knows it which isn’t really Harry’s thing…

“Uhh.. thanks.” Harry spots Louis coming backstage. “Louis!” Harry calls, looking past James. 

Louis locks eyes with Harry before his gaze falls upon James who still has his hand on Harry’s arm. 

Harry furrows his eyebrow as Louis walks over to Calum instead. Did they not just make eye contact?!

Harry makes to walk over to where Louis is talking with Calum but before he can take a step, James tightens his grip forcing Harry's attention back on him. 

“You wanna get a drink?” Harry watches as Louis leaves the area backstage with Calum. Well so much for that. 

“Uhhh… yeah. Sure.” 

That was weird.


	5. Chapter 4 - Louis

The second Louis’ eyes catch the sight of Harry with another guy, he’s practically running to get out of there. The image of Harry with that guy’s hand on his arm is already burning into his memory and no matter the distance Louis tries to put between them, he can’t outrun the mental picture. Louis can’t even register where he’s going, he just continues to weave through the crowd as his stupid heart continues to race. If he wasn’t so consumed with Harry right now, he’d honestly be quite impressed with how fast he’s managed to get away from the backstage area. Like, seriously, he could’ve broken fucking Olympic records or something with how fast he’s speedwalking. 

Louis finally makes it to the other side of the crowd and stumbles into the cool, wet grass away from the party. No one is paying attention to him as they continue to dance and laugh while music swirls around them. Even the drunk couples, who’ve escaped the crowd to go hook up, aren’t within yelling distance. They’re probably on the other side of the field, closer to the car park and the small grove of trees that line the fence of a nearby manor. 

Pathetic. That’s what Louis is. He can’t believe he’s let himself keep thinking of Harry in such an intimate manner. What it would be like to go find him backstage, back him into a dark corner where no one could see them before taking his hands and pressing a kiss onto his lips. How, at first, Harry would be surprised but after a second their chemistry would just take over and it would feel like they were drowning and flying at the same time. The feeling of wrapping his hands around Harry’s waist and inching them beneath his shirt while Harry tangled his hands into Louis’ hair. Louis’ pretty sure that Harry is the only person he would ever let touch his hair. 

Louis feels his eyes start to sting. He squats down in the grass to take a second to think. He’d sit but it’s kinda wet and he doesn’t want to get his pants all muddy. He can’t cry. Not about this. Not when he has no right to. He doesn't know what he was even thinking getting so attached like this. Him and Harry are mates, just like they’ve been for the past thirteen years or so. What did he expect? Of course Harry is going to flirt with guys now! There’s no reason for him not to. 

Ugh. Louis wishes that Harry could just know without him having to say something. Life would be so much easier if everyone had some sort of signal that would go off when two people liked each other. Imagine how many relationships could've been but never took off, all because the two people involved were too scared to admit their feelings. An invention like that would probably make the world a better place to be quite honest. 

Louis keeps thinking about Harry and that guy. He knows his name starts with a J or something but Louis’ never been very good about remembering people’s names when they’ve nothing to do with his life. Well, until now that is. 

Louis had noticed J ogling Harry up onstage during the set. It had caused Louis to do a double-take because it’d made him realise he probably wore a similar look on his face, although hopefully without being as bloody obvious about it. Harry had locked eyes with J a couple of times, but he’d also stared at Louis for a lot longer so Louis hadn’t really made such a note of it. 

Ugh, of course it would make sense that Harry would look at Louis longer but have it not mean anything! HARRY DOESN’T EVEN KNOW YOU’RE FUCKING NOT-STRAIGHT YOU FUCKING TWAT! What else is he supposed to do? Have a secret crush on you just because you haven’t been able to get him out of your head since he came out to all your friends? 

Yes.

It would make it a hell of a lot easier at least if that was the answer.

But alas, life is oh-so-complicated and it doesn’t work like that. 

Louis would like to think that he’ll hopefully have the courage to tell Harry how he really feels one day. He had been thinking about doing it tonight when Harry had slept over. Of course that was when tonight was still a far-away thought. Now that he is actually at the party, he knows that he would never be able to say anything. Honestly he really can’t imagine that day coming soon. He’s barely confident in who he is right now, how the hell is he supposed to have the courage to come out when he doesn’t even know what he would come out as?

Louis slowly stands up and looks back towards the party. It’s like a glowing city in the middle of nowhere. Pitch-blackness engulfs the field, any houses too far off or hidden by the trees to provide any light. Bright stage-lights shine onto the stage, changing colors to fit with the beat of the music so that all Louis can see are silhouettes dancing in the midst of lilac, indigo, and sapphire hues. Surrounding the crowd, twinkle lights hang from the trees to provide a sort of barrier as they glow above the drinks table. Louis’ gotta give props to the student council kids, they really do know how to make a party look good. From his vantage point, the twinkle lights look like stars floating above everyone. He hadn’t even realised that he’d walked so far from them. He can still hear the music clearly, but the cheers from the crowd are only a distant hum. 

He could leave. Harry will be too preoccupied having a fun time with Blondie to notice and Louis could come up with an excuse for the rest of his friends. Except… Louis always feels guilty when he doesn’t go to parties or leaves early when his friends are all there. Though, it’s not his fault that lying in bed watching TV alone sounds a lot more enjoyable than pretending to like people he barely knows and sipping on a beverage that tastes like an alcoholic, fizzy, bitter tea. Why drink that when he could be snuggled up in his coziest blanket with the real thing? 

Louis glances back. He knows he can’t leave. Not yet. 5SOS just got offstage and it’s not even eleven o’clock. He can’t let this infuriating crush get in the way of his friendships. Especially with Harry. He’d rather have the slight pain of having Harry as only a best friend than ruin it because he admitted feelings that he doesn’t even understand.

Louis sighs before begrudgingly trudging back to the party. His friends are probably wondering where he is by now. Well Liam is probably wondering. The others are probably too drunk or high to even care. 

Louis hesitates before reentering the crowd. He really does just want to go home, but he is also supposed to give Zayn a ride and it’s too early to ask him to leave. Okay, he’ll just wait it out another hour before asking Zayn to leave. He can handle another sixty minutes right? He knows that Zayn will leave then since he understands Louis’ anxiety, but Louis wants him to at least have a somewhat successful night. 

Louis walks back into the main party area, scanning the crowd in search of his friends. He feels so awkward standing there alone. He knows that there probably isn’t even anyone paying much attention to him but it still feels like he should be doing something else. Louis shakes his head as he pushes past people to get closer to the stage. He really needs to stop volunteering to be the designated driver so that he can at least drink or get high to release the tension. Although, maybe that’s the very reason why he should be the designated driver. 

“Louis! There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Tessa stumbles her way into Louis’ arms, a beer in hand. Louis braces himself to catch her weight and avoid the spillage from her drink. 

“Heyyy… you alright there?”

“Yep. Oh, don’t worry this is my last one for the night.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. How about we get you some water.” Louis steers Tessa over to where the drinks are in order to fetch a Volvic. Tessa greedily gulps the water down, sobering her up a tad. After a moment Louis asks, “You good now?”

“I’m alright.” Louis raises his eyebrows. “Oh I’m not even drunk! Just a bit tipsy is all.”

“Yeah, okay.” Louis rolls his eyes. Tessa has been known for her lively party antics. Not that he can blame her much. Anyone with that bad of daddy issues is bound to rebel in some way or another. 

“By the way… I wanted to apologize for the other day. I know it must’ve seemed weird or rude for me to have left so suddenly, but I promise it wasn’t because of what you said. You know that I will always be your best friend no matter what.” Louis nods at that and releases a breath he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding. I guess he had felt a bit tense about the whole situation so he’s quite glad Tessa clarified it wasn’t because of him and what he had told her. “Are you okay Lou?” 

Louis studies Tessa’s face. She seems sincere enough to get a serious answer. Plus he really wants to tell someone and she’s the only one that knows about his thing for Harry. 

“I’m fine. It’s just…”

“What?”

“I dunno. It’s hard. To see Hazza be with other guys I mean. Like, I know I have no right to expect anything else but it’s still annoying. Especially when the guy he is flirting with is all blonde and muscular and tall.”

Tessa lets out a drunken-giggle before rushing to reply, “Yeah, I can get that. I’d be jealous too if I was your height.” Louis hits Tessa on her arm, rolling his eyes. She’s only an inch taller anyway. She simply laughs. “No, I truly am sorry you have to witness it while feeling like there’s nothing you can do about it without seeming like a dick. That must be very difficult to watch.”   
Tessa takes a small sip of her water before continuing; Louis watches her as she stares down at their shoes. “Especially when you want to tell them how you feel but don’t want to ruin your friendship.”

Louis lets Tessa’s words sink in. At least she gets it. 

“Tessa! This is our song you gotta come dance!” Hayley is motioning Tessa to come dance with their friends near the stage. Louis locks eyes with Liam, who’s standing beside Hayley and must’ve still been dancing with her beforehand. 

“Go ahead. I think Liam is coming over anyway.” 

“Alrighty! Talk to you later then!” Tessa returns to her previous vivacious demeanor and darts off towards her friends, smiling at Liam as they pass each other by. Louis meets him on the edge of where people are dancing.

“Where were you? One minute I saw you walking backstage and then I went to go check in with Harry and he said you were outside but I couldn’t find you anywhere!”

“What?!” Somehow the music has gotten even louder and Louis can barely make out Liam’s words, although he has a feeling he already knows what Liam wants to say. It’s probably because they’re standing basically right next to the speakers so Liam motions with his head that they go aside. Louis waits a moment before hesitantly following him.

“I said,” Liam starts talking again once they’ve moved far enough to the edge of the crowd, pointedly away from the blaring speakers. “Where did you go after you went backstage? Harry mentioned that you didn’t even check in.”

“Oh, ermmm... I was-”

“There you guys are!” Niall says, after disentangling himself from the crowd. “I’ve been looking for you guys.”

“Niall, I saw you forcing Zayn to dance like 2 minutes ago.” Liam reasons.

“You can look and dance at the same time Lee-yum.” Yeah, Nialler is definitely a bit tipsy. Considering Niall can chug 3 pints and barely feel a thing, Louis doesn’t even want to know how much alcohol he must’ve consumed tonight. “Where’d Zayn go anyway?”

“I’m right here idiot.” Zayn flicks Niall on the back of the head as he joins their group from where he’s just approached behind Niall. 

“Ouch.” Niall says, in between rubbing his head and laughing at his ignorance. 

Louis can smell the weed radiating off Zayn, mixing with his cedar-scented cologne. “Honestly, I don’t know how you’d survive without us.” Zayn nods and sarcastically smiles at Niall who is still laughing, although none of the boys seem to know why. “You guys seen Harry since he got offstage?”

“I went backstage after the show and we talked, but he was going to dance with some blonde guy so we didn’t get much time to chat.”

Oh jeez, here we go. Louis checks the time on his phone. 10:53 PM. Still too early to make an excuse to leave. Whatever. He should probably get used to having to hear about stuff like this anyway. 

“Liam?!” Liam’s eyebrows furrow at Zayn’s sudden excitement. “Who?! This is Harry’s first boyfriend. We should be more excited, I feel like!”

“You weren’t this excited for me when I had my first girlfriend.”

“That’s because we were in Year Eight and the most exciting thing you ever did with a girl was hold hands.” The boys look over at Niall who has started laughing even louder than before. 

“Anywayyy…” Liam says bringing the focus off of Niall and back to him. “The blonde isn’t even Harry’s first boyfriend. He’s been with some older guy, Jaden, who worked with him over the summer.” This causes Louis’ ears to perk up. “I swear we were all there when he told us.”

No, Louis was most definitely NOT present when Harry confessed his summer romance. Which is weird because that’s usually something Harry would tell Louis first and now he kinda doesn’t want to even hear about it but at the same time, he needs to. It’s sorta like when you pass a really bad car crash, and you feel really bad for the people, but you can’t look away from the wreckage.

“James!”

“Huh?” The boys glance at Niall with slight disdain now that he’s finally stopped laughing, but decided to contribute to the conversation by yelling out random names. 

“Harry’s boyfriend, his name is James.”

“No, I’m pretty sure he said that his name was Jaden. I remember because he told me that he was going to University in the States and I thought that it sounded like an American name.” 

So not only is Jaden some older, hot, music-playing, out-and-proud guy, but he is also smart and is going to University in the U.S.. Great. Why would Harry even think of liking Louis when he was already with a guy like that. A guy that is confident in his sexuality and probably taught Harry how to do a lot of things that Louis can’t even imagine but ermmm… Louis’ thoughts cut off once he’s realised he’s spiraling. He can feel his heartbeat racing to meet up with the speed his thoughts are at as they tear through his mind. Louis pinches the skin between his thumb and forefinger to prevent any tears from even thinking about filling his irises. Ugh, he really should’ve just gone home. Why does he even bother with these parties? They’re not even that fun...

“Not him you twat. The blonde that Harry has been flirting with all night. His name is James. He’s in my English Lit class but I think he’s in the grade below.”

Louis holds in his scoff, he knew the wanker’s name started with a J. Seems to fit quite well. Boys with names that start with J never seem to be good news. 

“Ohhh… Yeah, they looked pretty cosy when I went back to see Harry.”

“I mean, they were flirting a bit when 5SOS was still onstage.” Great. So Zayn also noticed how Harry was looking at James. 

“Yeah, I saw it too. Harry was doing that weird thing where he, like, bites his lip to try to look sexy but ends up looking like he just really needs to take a piss.” Niall adds.

Hmm… Harry’s never done that with Louis. Although maybe Niall’s wrong and he really did just need to pee?

“Oh that makes so much more sense that the lip-bite was an attempt at flirting! I was actually quite confused as to why he was doing that, in the middle of a song no less.” Liam shakes his head, laughing at the mental picture he’s sure to have in his head right now. Louis wishes he could get his own mental picture out of his head. Contrary to popular belief, Harry and James don’t make a very pretty sight. Especially when you feel like you wouldn’t particularly care that much if James were to conveniently fall off of a cliff right about now. 

Oh jeez. Now Louis is really spiraling. 

“Hey look! Speak of the devil.” Louis follows Niall’s finger to where it is pointing at the crowd. His eyes wash over the different faces until he lands on Harry. For a second, the butterflies return to Louis’ stomach simply at the sight of tipsy Harry dancing and smiling. That is, until he sees the sight next to him. Blondie, James, has his hands looped around Harry’s waist and the same manic grin on his face. Louis honestly feels like he could throw up and it’s not because of the half a bottle of beer he had earlier. He’s stone-cold sober by this moment. 

“They’re kinda cute.” Zayn grins at the boys, still very much high. “Lou, what do you think? You’ve been awfully quiet, what’s up mate?”

“Oh ermm…” Louis can’t take his eyes off Harry and James. The butterflies have drowned in the tsunami that has taken over his insides. He feels like his whole stomach is churning. “I just don’t feel that well. I think I’m going to go home early and go to sleep.”

Liam side-eyes Louis before he replies, “Oh really? You want us to come with you?” Liam looks over to Zayn, trying to silently get him to offer to go with Louis. 

Despite Zayn’s drugged state, he manages to say, “Yeahhhh, we can leave now if you’d like.” Louis watches Zayn look to Liam for more clarification on what to say but Liam is just shaking his head ever-so-slightly. His face looks pained in the way where you can’t believe a practically grown man could be such a dimwit.

“No, no it’s alright. You guys should stay and enjoy the party. I’m just tired from tryouts earlier is all.”

“Okay, if you say so man.” Louis can tell that Liam seems skeptical of his reasoning but he drops the subject. 

“We’ll see you tomorrow though, right?” Niall asks. Louis sees the crinkle of worry in his forehead as he waits for confirmation.

“Yeah of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Louis takes Niall into a side-hug who nods his head, satisfied with Louis’ reassurance. 

“Okay then. Well, we’ll see you tomorrow.” Liam says, more softly now. 

“Drive safe, mate.” Zayn raises his freshly-lit joint into the air towards him. Louis nods his head to acknowledge it before saying goodbye and taking off towards the car park. 

As he works his way back through the crowd and towards the exit near where his car is parked, Louis catches a laughing Calum and Michael out of the corner of his eye. He looks back to see Liam, Niall, and Zayn noticing them as well and start to make their way over to the other two boys. Louis can practically hear Liam’s thoughts right now: ‘No way Louis is just tired from footie tryouts when Calum did that and then played a show, but still seems full of energy’.

Whatever. 

\---

Louis pulls up in front of his Dad’s house, pausing before he gets out of the car. Even though it’s not that late, only 11:15 PM now, the whole house is dark from what he can tell. He doesn’t really want to leave the solace of his car, but at least he won’t have to face his Dad’s questions about why he’s home so early. 

Louis glances at the passenger seat. His car feels so safe but he knows he can’t stay there forever. He’s got to deal with this, especially if he’s set to see Harry with the rest of their friends tomorrow. He grabs his jumper and phone from the passenger seat before getting out of the car. 

Louis trudges up the front walkway, unlocking the door as quietly as he can and creeping inside. As soon as he’s in, he catches a golden hue shining from the back room across from the kitchen. Great. His Dad is still awake after all; so much for avoiding his questions. Louis definitely could make it up the stairs undetected, but then he might have to explain why he secretly went up to his room and having to try and lie about the real reason seems a whole lot worse than just admitting he wanted to come home early. 

Louis sighs before tiptoeing to the back room where his Dad is sitting so that he can check in before going to bed; his warm, cosy, safe bed. 

“Hey Dad.” Louis whispers, afraid of startling his Dad in the silence. 

“Oh Louis?!” His Dad looks up from his iPad and over at the grandfather clock on the wall. “You’re home earlier than I would’ve thought. How was the party?”

“Good, good yeah.”

“It end early or something? I thought you’d be showing up at midnight at least.” His Dad chuckles, looking as if he’s reminiscing about the old party shenanigans he used to get into when he was a teenager. 

“Yeah, I’m just really tired from tryouts so I’m just gonna go to sleep.” 

Louis can tell his Dad is a little weary of Louis’ early arrival but luckily he doesn’t press it. “Okay, well have a good night.” 

Louis says his goodnight before sneaking back to his room, grabbing a chocolate bar from his stash in the cupboard on the way. He cheekily smiles at his Dad over his shoulder after he heard him scoff, acknowledging the action. His Dad smirks back, shaking his head as he focuses his attention to whatever he was looking at before on his iPad.

Louis races up the stairs and into the comfort of his room. At least the rest of his siblings are asleep, now he can mope in peace.

Louis falls onto the bed face first, burrowing his head into the fluffy duvet. He shuts his eyes, willing the image of Harry and James to leave his mind. Seriously, how has his life become this? It’s literally only been a week. 

Louis feels a bit better lying on his bed, sleep lulling at him. If he’s being honest, the sinking feeling in his gut is still there but he actually does just feel exhausted from the day too. On top of the emotional drama he’s dealt with today, Coach Duane has not let up on the physical fitness tests one bit since tryouts started. 

Louis rolls over, staring at his cupboard where his comfy pyjamas reside. The only thing that motivates him to pick himself up off the bed and get changed is the fact that once he does, he can hide under the covers of his bed and try to drown the stresses of his life away with some chocolate. 

Once Louis has changed into some blue, flannel pyjama pants paired with a soft, grey jumper, he flops back onto his bed and slides underneath the navy duvet. He pulls his MacBook that he had snagged from his desk onto his lap and opens up the candybar. 

He selects some random video off of his YouTube watch-later list, figuring he’ll watch something to distract himself before bed. It doesn’t really matter though because he’s not even paying attention. Louis slowly bites into the sugary goodness of the chocolate as his mind replays the events of the night. It’s sort of sad how he couldn’t even manage to talk about Harry and James for even ten minutes, now he’s got to spend the whole day with him tomorrow.

Louis, Liam, Niall, Harry, and Zayn have a tradition for the first weekend of the school year. They get up somewhat early and pack a picnic of sorts before heading off to swim at their secret spot at the nearby River Dane. They’ve done it since Year Five when they were first allowed to go alone and have kept it up every year since, immediately inviting Niall when they met him two years later. They spend the whole Saturday there, taking the day off work or football or whatever, and it’s become something that they can look forward to when school starts. 

Louis takes another bite of the chocolate as he stares out into the darkness of his room. The only light emitting is from the glow of his computer screen but his eyes have adjusted well enough to make out the general furnishings of his room. He spots the guitar on the wall, instantly causing him to think back to Harry. 

He wishes his mind would shut up for once. Maybe he really should just go to sleep, it’s no use trying to distract himself. Plus, that way his consciousness will have to shut off eventually and all he’ll have to deal with are potential nightmares. Or the dreams of him. Louis’ not sure which he is scared of more. 

Louis gets up to go wash his teeth before he gets too tired to find the will to move. He’s finished the chocolate bar and goes to throw away the wrapper on his way to the loo. 

He splashes his face with water and rubs on his face wash before staring at himself in the mirror. He feels like he looks older now that the summer is over. He still has a tan from having spent his days sunning down at the beach lounges in the south of France or from exploring the streets of Amsterdam. His jaw is more defined and the slight stubble poking through makes him look a bit more mature. Louis brushes his hair to the side. He cut it in preparation for the year so now it’s long enough for his fringe to sweep over his forehead but doesn’t quite cover his ears. He can’t help but think that Harry’s features would complement his quite nicely. Much better than James’ anyway. 

As Louis is washing his teeth, he leans against the wall wondering what his friends are currently doing. He checks the time on his phone: 12:03 AM. The crowd is probably starting to thin out by now, people either going home or to their friends’ houses if they really want to keep partying. 

Thinking about his friends is what finally gets Louis to recall Tessa’s words from earlier. ‘Especially when you want to tell them how you feel but you don’t want to ruin your friendship.’ Louis almost drops his toothbrush, toothpaste threatening to spill out of his hung-open mouth.

Bloody hell. 

It can’t be. There’s no way Louis could be that stupid…

But how else would she know? No, Louis’ just overthinking this there’s no way Tessa could ever have feelings for him like that. She’s practically a sister to him after all! It’s probably just about another one of her friends or maybe something one of them told her. 

Louis quickly spits out the toothpaste and puts his toothbrush away as he turns off the light in the bathroom. He retreats back to his bed, sitting on the edge with his head in his hands, within the now dark room. 

Louis’ mind races as it realises situations from Tessa over the past few months that suddenly make a whole lot more sense if she actually were to have a crush on him. How she would get really quiet when he asked her if she was into one of his teammates, or when she would steal his jumpers and become all touchy-feely with him when she was never like that with anyone else (even her girl-friends), the times Louis would look over and catch her staring at him before she would quickly turn away… Oh shit. He really is an idiot. 

He’d just chalked it off to Tessa being shy or a concerned friend. Or was only comfortable enough to do certain things with him since they were so close?? Yeah, maybe he’d just never paid much attention to it since he never considered her as anything else besides a best friend. Just like how Harry most definitely thinks of you dumbass! Welp this is just great karma. 

Fuckkkk. What should he do now?! 

If there’s one thing Louis can relate to it’s this. Having the biggest, probably most confusing crush on your best friend (aka the only person you can’t have or admit the feelings to because you don’t want to ruin the friendship). Louis loves having Tessa as a friend; he can’t imagine his life without her. Plus he can also imagine how crushed it would feel to have said person reject you. He’s pretty sure his heart would actually shatter into a bajillion pieces if Harry were to do that to him. 

Louis lies back on the mattress and pulls out his phone. The worst part about liking Harry is not being able to talk with him about anything and everything anymore. Usually this type of thing is exactly what Louis would go to Harry for, but now everything is just a confusing mess. 

He could try and text Liam about it. He’s probably taken the rest of the boys home by now and would be sober enough to talk. Although, one of the boys might be at his house and Louis really doesn’t want to tell everyone about Tessa’s maybe-crush on him when he doesn’t actually have any legitimate proof. 

Louis hesitates over Liam’s name in his favourites list. He could just call him and see if he’s with anyone. Wait no, Louis had told them that he was going to go to sleep early. 

Just as Louis is about to give up on talking with anyone about the whole situation, his phone lights up with an incoming call, Harry’s face taking up the screen. 

Louis smiles at the goofy photo of some random selfie Harry had taken on his phone before he realises how ridiculous he probably looks and picks up the call. Maybe this is the universe telling him that Harry really is the only one that he can go to for this type of case.

“Hello? Hazza?”

All Louis can hear is giggling coming from the other end. Harry must still be at the party, probably packing up his shit with the rest of 5SOS. 

“Hazza are you drunk? Do you need me to come get you or something?”

Harry finally stops giggling enough to reply, “Get me? Louis I was just looking for youuuu. I haven’t seen you all night and now everyone is leaving. Where are you?”

So the little shit didn’t even realise he was gone. “I’m home now Hazza. I didn’t feel good.”

“Whaaa? Since when?”

Louis is about to answer when he hears a voice slightly muffled coming from Harry’s end. A male voice that definitely doesn’t belong to one of his friends. 

“Umm... since probably an hour ago.”

“Why?? And why did you ignore me earlier? I saw you see me Lou. We made eye contact. We were both there backstage.”

Louis rolls his eyes at Harry’s drunkenness. 

“Hazza I-

“James!! Stop! What are you doing? Hey! Give me back my shirt.” 

Louis is very grateful this isn’t a FaceTime so Harry can’t see the way his mouth is hanging open. That has got to be the fakest, flirtiest, high-pitched voice Louis has ever heard come from Harry. Of course Harry is still with him! Louis is surprised Harry cared enough to even call Louis and see where he is when he’s with James. 

Louis hears laughing from the other end as James apparently taunts Harry with his shirt. It’s enough for him to abruptly hang up the call. He doesn’t care to hear anymore of whatever Harry has to say. 

Louis can feel his face burn up red with embarrassment. The stupid fucker isn’t even in the same room as him and still he has so much control over his emotions. Crushes are so weird. It’s like you love and hate the person all at the same time. Louis really thinks someone needs to make that invention that he thought of earlier where something gives a signal when two people like each other. Would make everything way fucking easier. 

Louis turns his phone to airplane mode before burying himself beneath the warmth of his duvet. He doesn’t want to deal with the world and its notifications until the morning. He closes his eyes but all he sees is a half-naked Harry chasing around a certain blond boy laughing in that derpy voice. 

He lets the tears fall this time. Gently rolling down his cheeks and coaxing him into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I have pretty bad social anxiety? Some of this stuff was hitting pretty close to home lol, but I thought it would be cool to include how even though Louis might feel awkward at parties and stuff, he’s still willing to go to them for Harry and the rest of 5SOS. I think I would do that if one of my best friends were in a band. Hopefully I would at least.
> 
> Also if you were wondering, yes, I was eating a chocolate bar during this chapter and I felt like Louis should be able to partake in my enjoyment. Especially when he felt so crappy and chocolate is just so friggin good. 
> 
> Anyway as always I’ll be back with chapter 5 next Monday! I hope you like it so far, I think it only gets better from here (based on what I’ve planned out). I’m trying to make each chapter better than the last. All the love! xx. ~ LT


	6. Chapter 5 - Harry

“Why would you buy a new blender?! The other one worked perfectly fine.”

“No, obviously it didn’t or I wouldn’t have gotten a new one!” 

“We don’t need to be wasting money on appliances we don’t even use!”

“What are you even going on about? I use the blender all the time! Besides, it’s my money.”

Harry pulls a pillow over his head to drown out the yells coming from downstairs, the euphoria from the previous night having worn off the second their shouts floated into his bedroom. This is the worst part. They’re not even fighting about anything meaningful, it seems like they just argue for the sake of it. His head is already throbbing from the slight hangover he’s currently sporting, their fighting really doesn’t help. He groans, pulling his phone off his nightstand as they continue to bicker over what to do with their money. 

Harry blinks his eyes open, focusing on the time: 11:32 AM. Oh shit! He’s gotta meet his friends at the river at noon and Louis is supposed to pick him up at 11:45. Harry drags himself out of bed and into the bathroom to get ready. 

He returns to his bedroom after washing his teeth and face. No point in taking a shower or doing his hair if he’s about to go jump into a river. Harry grabs a snapback off the hook on the inside of his closet door, pulls on some golden-yellow trunks with white stripes going down the sides, and pairs it with a black AC/DC branded t-shirt. 

He quickly grabs his bag and packs it with some water, sunscreen, towel, and a change of clothes (just in case) before grabbing his sunglasses which he promptly puts on and checks to make sure he’s got everything. Harry yells goodbye to his parents and races out the door before he can hear their reply, just as Louis’ car is pulling up. 

Harry grins as he jogs up to the passenger door before realising Niall is already sitting there. His smile falters just a bit. Niall has his own car and his house is farther from Louis’ Dad’s than Harry’s. 

“Hey,” Harry says breathlessly as he pulls his long legs into the car, squishing them a bit into the backseat, and places his bag on the seat beside him.

“Good morning Harry!” Niall replies happily, Louis hums his hello. “How’re you feeling?”

“Not too bad, how about you Nialler?” 

“Perfect as always! Although I am a bit surprised about you…” Harry furrows his eyebrows from the backseat. “Ya know, considering you seemed pretty hammered last night. You left the party after me which is saying a lot.” Oh. Well, yeah okay that makes sense.

The mention of the party causes blurry memories to flit through Harry’s mind. The events from the night before seem to wash through his head like a movie trailer: killing it onstage with 5SOS, hanging out with James and the rest of his friends, barely seeing Louis and getting hung up on when Harry had called him…

“Yeah, I dunno I think I was more high off adrenaline than actual substances to be honest.” Niall nods his head in understandment. “By the way, how come you picked Niall up first Lou? Isn’t it easier for you to come get me first? I didn’t even know we were taking Niall there.”

Niall turns his head towards Louis with what looks like panic in his eyes. Something is definitely going on here. “Oh, well uhh... obviously Niall can’t be driving himself home afterwards with how much beer he brought so he couldn’t drive himself.” Louis tries. 

“Yeah, I get that but wouldn’t it have been easier for Liam to get him.” Harry looks back and forth between the boys who seem like they’re trying to communicate telepathically. 

“I’m just curious is all.” Harry says after a few seconds filled with silence.

A couple more moments pass until Louis finally speaks up, “Err, Niall wanted me to come get the beer with him, so I just picked him up first so we could go to the spirit shop before we came and got you.” 

Why the hell is he lying? Wouldn’t they just have gotten Harry first and then gone to the spirit shop which is literally on the way to their swim spot? This doesn’t make any sense. Why are they acting so weird around Harry? He didn’t even do anything… Well, besides coming out but it seems like it seems odd for it to suddenly become an issue a week later. Harry doesn’t really think that’s what’s going on. 

Could it have been something he did last night?

Maybe. That would explain why Louis had ignored and hung up on him. 

Harry sighs and leans his head against the glass. He doesn’t want to push it and cause unnecessary tension. They’re already bordering on the line as it is. 

Harry closes his eyes as he quietly listens to Niall recount some story of how he got everyone to create a mosh pit last night. Usually his friends are his solace away from the fighting. He doesn’t want to risk causing anymore strain than he already has to endure.

Harry turns his head towards the front dash as he feels Louis pulling up onto the gravel road, signaling they’re getting close. He flicks his eyes up at the rearview mirror where he finds Louis’ blue ones already looking back. Harry can’t seem to find the will to look away. As he stares into the cerulean blue of Louis’ irises, Harry gets the feeling that Louis is trying to tell him what he can’t say aloud. 

The rest of the world rushes past as Harry searches deep into Louis’ eyes, trying to figure out what he’s trying to communicate. It lasts only for a few seconds but it feels like a million ideas were spread between them, if only they could understand which ones they should’ve grabbed on to.

Louis finally looks back towards the road, causing Harry to feel a sharp pang of disappointment in his chest. It was like his body felt relatively okay as long as he held his connection with Louis, but once it broke reality rushed back in and his head returned to its slight throb. 

“We’re here!” Niall rolls down the window to yell out at Liam and Zayn. “You lads ready for some real fun?!”

Liam and Zayn both shake their heads at Niall’s excitement but smile all the same. 

“Yeah, get your arse out and help us set up!” Liam yells back.

“Well we’ve got to park and turn off the car first now, don’t we?” Louis calls from the driver's seat as he pulls in next to Liam’s silver Volvo. 

The second Louis turns the car off, Niall is out of his seat with a pack of beers in each hand. Louis follows, grabbing a blanket from the back and heads over to where Liam and Zayn have placed an icebox filled with food that Zayn’s Mum most certainly packed. Harry watches Louis as he throws the blanket onto the ground and greets Liam and Zayn. He seems to be acting somewhat normal, smiling at least. Hmm… maybe Harry is overreacting? No matter. Whatever it is, Harry’s not going to let it ruin their special day. The last time they’ll ever really get to do this after eight years. That’s so crazy to think. 

Harry reaches for his bag and gets out of the car. Liam is waving him over to help prevent Louis and Niall from trying to eat all the food before they can lay it out for everyone when Harry feels his phone buzz. 

He looks down at the screen as he walks toward the boys. James’ name pops up with his fifth unread text. Jeez, can’t the bloke take a hint?! They had fun dancing last night, but Harry is pretty sure he made it clear that he wasn’t interested in taking it any further. Honestly though, at this point, he doesn’t even want to consider James a friend! Just because Harry admitted that he’s gay doesn’t mean he’s willing to fuck any guy that shows an interest. Apparently that’s exactly what James thinks it means. 

What an arse. 

Harry reaches to where the rest of the boys are setting up. “Hey, what if we all turn our phones off so we can focus on just hanging together rather than getting distracted by social media and such?” Harry just needs to escape the outside world for a bit.

“What if there’s an emergency and one of our parents needs to call us or something?” Liam asks.

“I think that’s actually a great idea!” Zayn replies. “Here Li, you can keep your phone in but we'll just put all of ours in your bag for safekeeping if that’s alright?” Harry’s lips turn up at that, Liam can sometimes have problems letting go with control and this is a perfect compromise. Zayn is already motioning for Harry’s phone before going to snatch Niall’s and getting Louis to reluctantly hand his over once he realises everyone else is going along with this rule. 

“Yeah, sure.” Liam smiles as Zayn hands him the now collected phones. 

“Okay then! The faster we spread out the food, the faster we can dig in!” Zayn brings the icebox on top of the blanket that Louis has spread out along the river bank, underneath a massive Oak tree. 

Zayn takes the lead in organising the food so that spills will be kept to a minimum. 

“Wow Zayn. Your Mum kinda went overboard, huh? I’m not even sure if we can eat all this.”

“I know, well it’s our last time so she wanted us to go out with a bang I guess. I also helped her make it so it’s not like she was doing this all by herself.”

Harry takes in all the different dishes laid out before him. There’s falafel wraps, spicy chicken wraps, hummus with pita slices, carrot sticks, celery sticks, apple slices, crisps, savory biscuits with different types of cheese slices, Harry licks his lips in anticipation. His stomach rumbles in agreement, causing Harry to realise that he skipped breakfast after all. 

Niall hands the non-drivers a beer and they all dig in, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. They reminisce about past years spent here and have fun predicting what their final year before Uni may be like. Harry brings out the lemon bars he had made a couple nights before in preparation for today. Luckily (since he was late), he had already placed it in his bag so it would be ready to go because otherwise he most certainly would have forgotten them at home. Harry always brings dessert. Each of the boys take a square and laugh at inside jokes as they eat. 

Harry sneaks a smile to himself when he sees Louis take seconds. Well if he is mad, at least he isn’t that bothered enough to reject eating the dessert that Harry brought right?

The tension continues to dissipate as the afternoon goes on; once the boys are done stuffing themselves they lay down to digest before venturing into the water to swim.

“I say, we go to the rope swing first.” Liam stands up, hands on his hips as he squints at the rope swing tied to a massive Oak just South down the riverbank.

“It’s on the other side of the river though, so why don’t we just swim down there?” Harry asks, taking off his shirt and placing his sunglasses and snapback on top of it. 

“ThAt sOUndS LIke a gREat idEa!” Louis yells in a silly voice as he throws his shirt onto the ground, yanks Niall’s tank top up and over his head where he had been halfway taking it off, scoops Niall onto his back, and bounds down to the river where he promptly jumps in. Harry smiles at Liam who gives a pleading look to Zayn.

“Unh uh. Don’t even give me than look, you know I’m not getting anything besides my feet wet Li.”

Liam turns back to Harry, terror in his eyes. 

Before Liam can run away and save himself, Harry grabs him by the waist and tosses him over his shoulder.

“Hey!! If you’re gonna force me in, you can at least let me take my shirt and shoes off first!”

“Fine, but only because I know you’ll complain for the rest of the day if I just throw you in.”

Harry waits for Liam to awkwardly wiggle out of his shirt while still on Harry's shoulder and slide out of his shoes. After a few moments of struggling with the shoes, Harry just uses his free hand to yank them off along with his socks before hurrying down to where Louis and Niall were currently trying to drown each other in the river. 

Harry launches him and Liam into the water, their laughs echoing in his ears as he plunges into the fresh, cool, rushing water. 

For a second the world seems to disappear, time stops, and Harry is left alone within the water. It’s cold but warm enough that once you get moving, it’s comfortable. His body movements slow as he plunges towards the bottom, he lets his arms and legs flail up as the rest of him sinks. All Harry can hear are the bubbles swirling around him and the rocks that roll along the bottom. It feels peaceful.

That is until his lungs start to get tight and he rushes back up to the surface where reality hits him in the face. Or at least a form of it. Liam has jumped on top of Harry, he must’ve come up quickly and swam to the bank so that he could stand and gain enough momentum to leap back onto Harry.

Harry splutters a laugh once he’s come up for air again after Liam’s attack. He spits out the water that had snuck into his mouth at Liam, looking at him accusingly.

“That’s what you get for throwing me over your back like a sack of potatoes and then forcing me into the river where I could've drowned!” Liam says half-heartedly. 

“I’m pretty sure jumping on top of a person treading water is a much more likely way to drown someone.” 

Liam scoffs. “We’ll have to disagree on that one mate.”

“Hey losers are you coming or what?!” Niall yells downstream. Him and Louis are floating along in the center of the river, letting the current take them down to the tree with the rope swing hanging over. 

“We just got in Niall! No rush, right mate?”

“What do ya mean Lima?! No time like the present, c’mon then!”

Harry grabs onto Liam’s shoulders. “Carry me Lima! I can’t swim, my legs have been cut off.” Harry says in his best dramatic voice. 

“And how would your legs get cut off in eight-foot deep water?” Liam raises his eyebrows at Harry, but still allows him to hang on as Liam swims with the current. 

“Oh Lima, you haven’t heard of the river monster that lives in these parts?” Harry wraps his arms around Liam’s neck to hold on tighter as he floats behind Liam’s swimming form. 

Liam laughs. “I’ve never heard of river monsters. Just sea and the occasional lake. Oh and I guess all those freaky things that actually do live within the depths of the ocean.”

“River monsters are a distant second-cousin to lake I believe.” Harry replies, grinning. Who cares if Louis is being all avoidy and distant? Harry promised himself earlier that he wasn’t going to let Louis ruin his day and so far he’s been doing a shitty job. Harry’s still got three other guys that he is --pretty much-- just as close to and can have fun with. Plus, Louis seems to be fine when they’re all together so no use letting Louis see how much he’s affecting Harry, Louis will tell him what’s wrong when he’s ready and if he doesn’t... well whatever. It shouldn’t be that big a deal. It’s not like Louis is gonna be like this forever. 

“Hurry up mates!” Louis calls from the shore, the rope in hand. “I can’t go until you’re out of the way in case I crush you guys with my arse!” The boys cackle in response. Louis does have quite a fine arse… it’s thick but firm and toned from his football playing. 

Hmm… Harry probably shouldn’t be thinking about his friend’s arse in such detail right now. Hehe whoops. 

“Liam! You’re swimming so slowww, even Zayn’s beating you!” Niall points out. Harry looks to the shore and sure enough, Zayn is walking ahead of them with a sketchbook in his left hand and a towel in the right, sunglasses shading his eyes. 

“Yeah, well that’s because he doesn’t have a giraffe trying to drown him from behind!”

“And a river monster that could be lurking anywhere which we’ve got to keep an eye out!” Harry adds, detaching himself from Liam so Zayn doesn’t actually beat them.

“Huh?” Louis and Niall ask in unison. 

Liam and Harry turn to look at each other before cracking up the rest of the swim to the rope swing. 

“Oh my godddd! Could you guys literally take any longer getting out?” Louis pulls down on the rope swing, antsy to fling himself into the water.

“Just a second Louis! Better to take our time and not kill ourselves on these rocks eh?” Liam replies. 

“Ehhh…”

“Heyyy don’t act like you wouldn’t be absolutely heartbroken without me!”

“Only a little. Now get out of the way pleaseeee.” Harry follows Liam over to where Niall is standing, near the rope-launch point. Zayn reached their spot on the opposite side of the river and set up his towel on a soft patch of grass, where he’s now laying on his stomach with his sketchbook open. 

“Okay, you all ready for this?” Zayn looks up at Louis’ words. 

“You gonna actually do a double backflip this year?” Zayn queries. Liam and Louis started a competition to see who could do the coolest flip off the rope swing when the boys first started Year Nine. Last year Liam did a backflip and beat Louis, resulting in Louis spending the rest of the year proclaiming that he will top it with a double backflip for this year.

“Fuck yeah I am! You guys ready?” Louis asks, having pulled the rope back as far as it could go.

“Get on with it mate, let’s see the double backflip.” Liam motions for Louis to go. Niall jumps up and down in excitement. 

“Let’s go Louis!” Liam gives Niall a look at the cheer. “Sorry mate, Harry can be your cheerleader.” Harry nods his head at Liam.

“Okay!” Louis jumps onto the rope, letting the momentum take him to the water where he releases himself at the highest point and tumbles backwards once… twi-

Oooh… the boys grimace. That was definitely a belly flop. Still one and a half is more than Liam did last year. 

“You okay?” Niall asks once Louis has returned to the surface. 

“Yeah, still think it’ll beat Liam though so that’s what counts at least. Right?” Harry saw Louis visibly wince but he quickly flashes a cheeky grin to hide it from the rest of the boys.

Liam takes his place with the rope as Louis scrambles onto the bank and out of the way. 

“Yeahhhh Liam!” Harry sorta-cheers, fulfilling his duties. 

Liam scrunches his eyebrows at Harry, “thanks mate.”. Harry replies with a thumbs up. 

“Okay here goes nothing!” Liam hangs onto the rope as it carries him up and over the river where he lets go, tucking his body between his legs and flips forward twice. Impressive, but much easier than a backflip. 

“Zayn what do you think? Who won?” Louis questions the second Liam has come up for air.

Zayn purses his lips and looks side-to-side. Harry’s not even sure if he was actually paying attention to the flips. 

“Ermmm… I gotta think about it, give me a second!” Zayn focuses back to his sketchbook as if he’s going to make a pro and con list for the two flips. Harry guesses he probably just wants to finish the section of his drawing that he was working on before he gives his full attention to the boys. 

“Well while he’s thinking, I’m gonna take a turn!” Niall grabs the rope and tugs it over to where he wants to launch himself from. “Liam, swim out of the way!”

Once Liam has swam a far enough distance from the rope, Niall jumps from the bank and into the water, flailing his arms on the way down. He comes back up with a smile spread wide on his face. 

“That was awesome! Definitely more air than last year!”

Harry takes a turn, letting go of the rope once he’s sure he is as high as he’s gonna get and does a simple front flip on the way down. 

“Ok I’ve made my decision!” The boys turn to where Zayn is sitting. “The one that wins, the final first-weekend-of-school-ultimate-backflip-competition is…. 

Louis William Tomlinson!”

Louis and Niall cheer, Louis taking the rope and doing a celebratory backflip on his way into the water. “Only because his looked like it hurt a lot.” Zayn clarifies. Louis and Niall still high-five once they’re close enough. 

The boys continue to have fun at the rope swing. Niall cracking jokes as usual, Zayn refusing to swim as usual, Liam pushing him in anyway, Louis laughing along and saying a witty remark whenever fit. They continue to take turns on the swing and play games in the water that they’ve made up over the years. Louis still seems quite distant to Harry but when they’re with the other boys he doesn’t act like it at least. Louis still won’t look at Harry though, no matter how much Harry finds himself trying to make eye contact with him. He interacts with Harry and laughs at his jokes when the other boys do. Still, even when Louis is laughing it doesn’t seem to reach his eyes all the way. It’s as if he’s forcing it. 

Harry can’t help how much it’s bothering him. 

Eventually the boys make their way back to where their stuff is, collapsing onto the blanket once the exhaustion from swimming and throwing themselves into the water and at each other hits them. They nap for a bit, Zayn still sketching whatever he was doing before. 

After a while Harry blinks his eyes open as he lies on the blanket, turning his head to grin at his friends. Today is the perfect day to hangout at the river. It’s warm enough to where you feel okay to go for a swim because you know the sun will warm you the second you’re out of the water, but in the shade it’s cool enough so that you’re comfortable and not sweating. Now the boys are chilling in the shade, piled onto the blanket as a soft breeze ruffles their hair. 

Louis lays directly to the right of Harry, taking up his entire point of view with his being turned towards him. Louis’ looking up into the canopy of the Oak that towers above them, at the branches that expand every which way in order to absorb the delicious rays of the sun, while he listens to whatever Zayn is going on about. He has his head propped up on Zayn’s abdomen while Zayn’s head lies on a couple of mostly dry towels. Liam’s spread out on a towel beside the blanket. Right now he’s in the sun, but he keeps on moving back and forth once he gets too hot and needs a break from the direct sunlight. Niall lies on his stomach, his head resting on top of his hands while he listens to Zayn. Every once in a while he’ll say something and lift his head up so that he can get a full view of the boys’ reactions. Or he’ll end up rolling off of the blanket due to laughing so hard when someone cracks a joke, usually Louis’. 

Harry’s missed this, them. Just being able to be himself and not have to worry about the rest of the world for a while. He feels so lucky to get to have such close friends like these in his life. When he was growing up, people would always tell him that he would probably have all new friends by the time he got to sixth form. Harry never believed them though. He has such strong bonds with all of the other boys, it’s almost like they were just destined to become best friends. Platonic soulmates one might say. 

ooh. That sounds like a cool name for an album. 

“I want to go exploring.” Niall suddenly declares, pulling Harry from his thoughts of cool album covers to go with the new name he’s dreamt up.

“Why? I feel so comfortable and sleepy right now. The grass is like a mattress beneath the blanket and the breeze is hitting just right. I feel like I’m in a literal lullaby, there’s no way I’m moving.” Louis replies, his eyes closed as he nuzzles further into the blanket. 

“Haven’t we’ve been here enough times to know the land pretty well?” Harry asks Niall. 

“Oh, Harold. Don’t you know the land is always changing? I don’t think that flower was here last year.” Niall points down to a patch of wild daisies growing a couple metres from them. 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “I’m pretty sure they were actu-”

“Nope! Not possible, those are new.” Niall turns his head away, effectively causing Harry to surrender to Niall’s argument. Who even cares what flowers were here last year? If Niall wants to go walk through some plants, let him. He probably doesn’t get off into nature enough as is. He’s always busy practicing golf after school and when he’s not, he’s usually inside playing video games or getting drunk. Harry’s pretty sure the chemicals from the fake grass are getting to Niall’s head.

“I’ll go with you Nialler.” Zayn offers.

“What?! Zayn no! You’re my pillow, you can’t leave me!” Louis squeals.

“Really?” Niall asks in slight disbelief that Zayn is the one volunteering. Zayn usually tries to avoid the outdoors, he’s much more of a homebody. Harry would've thought Zayn would want to stay spread out beneath a blanket within twenty feet of cars and phones rather than go explore the surrounding fields. Although it is just Cheshire, not like there’s much danger around here in the countryside. 

“Yeah, why not? Better than taking my chances here, where you all might try to push me in again.” Zayn glares at Liam who guiltily looks away, or at least tries to look guilty. 

“Zayn! Please, please I beg you! Stay with me!”

“Oh Louis, I think you’ll survive without me for a little while mate.”

“I won't, I promise.”

“You could just come with us then.”

“Hmm…” Harry watches Louis think it over, Louis’ eyes darting towards Harry as if he’s going to be the deciding factor in his decision. Harry kinda wants Louis to stay with him. Maybe if they’re alone, then Harry can get Louis to open up more and tell him what’s been going on. Even though he’s acting like he’s back to his usual, dorky self, Louis is definitely trying to avoid Harry. 

“Well I think I’m going to stay. Not interested in getting ticks or whatever other bugs lie in that long grass.” Liam says, looking over at the grass like all he can see are disgusting insects that are just ready to suck his blood.

Niall rolls his eyes. “Lima what’s the point of worrying about stuff like that. You’ll never have any fun in life if all you do is fret about what could go wrong.”

“Ehhh… yeah I guess you’re right but the sun is feeling really nice right now with this breeze.” Liam smiles up at the sky, his sunnies blocking the rays from his eyes while his skin soaks up the rest, already turning into a pretty golden-brown hue. 

“He’s got a point.” Louis flops his head down on the pile of towels where Zayn has just gotten up from to join Niall. 

“I guess that answers what Louis wants to do.” Niall states, looking down at his friend.

“Hey look at that huge Oak tree Niall! The branches are actually low enough that we could climb it!” Harry watches Louis purse his lips, causing him to think back to when they were thirteen and tried to climb another one of the few Oak’s scattered about in the meadow next to the river. Louis fell from only about ten feet off the ground, but pretty much landed smack on his head and got a mild concussion. He’s not too big a fan of climbing trees now.

“Where?!” Liam, on the other hand, is a huge fan of climbing trees. That boy is like a monkey, the way he can scale the branches. 

Niall points out the Oak that Zayn has shown him, a little ways North up the river. 

“You’re right, we could totally scale those branches. I don’t think I’ve even climbed that one before. How have I not climbed that one before?!”

“Well no time like the present mate!” Liam gets up now, too excited about the tree to care about whatever insects may be lurking below in the soil of the tall grass. 

“Wha-” Louis looks back and forth to where Harry is sitting and the other three boys are getting ready to leave. 

“Don’t worry Lou, I’ll stay with you.” Harry bites his lip, his heart is racing way too fast when he really shouldn’t even be worried that one of his best friends would want to stay with him. 

Louis nods his head and lays his head back down. Before Harry sits back against his place along one of the roots of the tree, he catches the emotions playing out across Louis’ face. Except… instead of showing relief or maybe satisfaction or even anger that only Harry is going to stay with him, he looks… panicked?

What does Louis think is going to happen? Harry’s gonna suddenly kill him?! Like c’mon???!

“‘Kay, we’ll be back in a while.” Zayn starts to take off towards the tree.

“If we’re not back in an hour, assume Niall has fallen out of the tree and send for help.” Liam calls over his shoulder as he runs to catch up to the other two lads.

“Hey! If anyone is falling out of the tree it will definitely be Zayn!” Niall says as they take off. 

Harry can’t hear Zayn or Liam’s reply, just Niall’s manic laughter as they move farther and farther towards the Oak in the distance.

Now that it’s just Harry and Louis the tension reannounces its presence. Louis still lies on his back with his eyes closed, but as Harry looks down as his face he can see movement beneath the surface. It looks as if Louis is forcing his eyelids to stay shut. 

They stay like that for a while. Neither of them talking, just laying in their respective places with the occasional sigh as the only sound coming from either of them. Harry’s never felt this awkward around Louis before. Actually he’s never felt awkward around Louis period and he really doesn’t want to get used to it because this fucking sucks.

After Louis’ hundredth sigh within a twenty minute period, Harry finally caves.

“Okay, what the hell is going on with you?”

Louis opens one eyelid, glancing up at Harry before resting his back down to focus on the branches of the trees. “What do you mean?”

“What do I mean?! Louis we’ve literally just been sitting here and sighing for the past twenty minutes! That’s probably the longest I think we’ve ever gone without talking in the whole thirteen years that we’ve been best friends. What the hell happened? Did I do something wrong?”

At this, Louis finally sits up to look at Harry straight-on. “Seriously, nothing is even wrong. I thought you were sleeping.”

“Oh yeah, because I always sigh in my sleep.”

“You talk in your sleep, it’s not that far off.”

“I don’t talk in my sleep!”

“Yeah, you do. I’m pretty sure the person who has been next to you while you’re sleeping would know better than the unconscious person doing it.”

Harry crinkles his eyebrows. No one else has ever told him that he talks in his sleep. His mind flits back to the memory from a few days before when Louis woke up in his arms. Can’t they just go back to that? It had felt so right, so good, and this? THIS???? This is just fucking bullshit, Harry doesn’t even know what he did to cause Louis to start acting this way around him. “Whatever, that still doesn’t answer why you’re acting so weird around me.”

Louis huffs, “I’m not acting wei-”

“Now look who’s lying. Why else would you have left early last night? You didn’t even say goodbye and I know you saw us make eye-contact when you came backstage and then fucking left before even talking with me.”

Harry tries to study Louis’ face. He looks apprehensive, but for once seems to be considering telling Harry the truth rather than spewing out another lie. Harry feels his heart start to speed up again. For some reason, he feels like his body is expecting to be thrown off by whatever Louis is about to say. He just can’t imagine what it could be.

“You can tell me anything you know. I just thought you were feeling more confident with the social anxiety and everything to suddenly just leave early.” Harry hesitantly puts his hand on Louis’s knee.

Louis stares down at where Harry's hand is touching his right knee, he catches Louis’ face softening. Harry’s surprised he’s even breathing with how fast his heart is hammering in his chest right now, and for what reason? He doesn’t even know. 

Louis lets out a breath that he was apparently holding before he eventually replies, “I dunno, I was just tired.

Harry’s face falls at Louis’ shallow excuse.

“To be honest I’m surprised you even saw me backstage, you looked pretty preoccupied.”

What? Preoccupied? With what?

Harry gives Louis a dubious look.

Louis starts to move his leg away but Harry’s hand has already flown off from where it was touching Louis’ skin. Harry grits his teeth and turns his face away from Louis so that he can’t see the hurt that’s there, he's not going to get anything out of Louis.

Harry stands up, pointedly still not looking at Louis. “Ya know, I think climbing that tree actually would be kinda fun.” Harry says, with the full knowledge that he isn’t a big fan of heights and Louis knows it.

“I was thinking the same thing.” Louis takes off toward the tree, leaving Harry behind to watch his figure sprint into the distance while feeling slightly pissed and very confused. 

Ouch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy the ot5 content! I know this chapter was more fluff than anything but now that Harry’s starting to catch on that his feelings for Louis are a bit stronger and amorous it’ll start to get good. 
> 
> I start hearing back from Universities this week so that is slightly terrifying but this fic is a good distraction I have to say. It’s just scary to think that the thing I’ve worked basically my whole life for is going to be decided in just a few days. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all have a good week and like the chapter! At least we can look forward to Harry’s performance at the Grammys. I just really hope he performs more than just ‘Watermelon Sugar’. All the love! ~ LT


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